Memories embedded into my soul

A potbelly coal burning stove sat at the foot of twin iron post beds.

Grandpa's bed was on the left as you entered the room,Grandma's on the right.

A light hung from the ceiling between the beds.

The year is 1955,Roanoke,Alabama,I'm 3 years old but that memory is fresh in my mind just like it was yesterday.

This is where my memory starts.

I went back to the old home place a few years ago.It didn't look the same.That mountain of a red clay bank didn't seem as big as way back then.Gone was the weathered slanting barn we kids were warn to stay out of but we didn't.

That unpainted long splintered back porch where Grandma churned butter and kin folks sat and talked I wish for again.

Parents,Grandparents,Aunts,Uncles and Cousins,Uncle Leon's old Nash parked under the Willow tree,Daddy behind Ole Gray John plowing till time to go to work in the mills.

Peaches and cream and Grandpa's laughter at the breakfast table.His hunting dogs and that horn made from a bull's horn.Tall with white hair always wearing a long sleeve white shirt and dungarees and brogan shoes never met a stranger I've been told this was Grandpa.

Gathering eggs from the chicken coup each morning all by myself,I was a big boy of course I was 3.Helping slop hogs in the afternoon that I wasn't allowed to do alone.

Daddy and Uncle Lavert toting Grandpa in a chair to the top of a coal stack so he could hear his hound dogs hunt one more time.

Memories embedded into my soul.

Hotel California

In the year 2015 the old folks home will officially be know as Hotel California.

The new motto will be"You can check out any time you like,but you can never leave!"

Rollin

Tired.

Just plain tuckered out.

Watching Ms Peacock,Mr Jack and Paul rollin rollin rollin all day long in their wheelchairs does it for me.

Giv'em 18 acres of room and they still manage running over your foot.

Rollin rollin ro...

If that is you

Maybe we got it backwards.

Laying here looking out the window thinking.

Hero worship.

Our hero's seem to be movie stars,ball players of every sort,whacked out musicians,politicians and such.

The real hero's are the men and women doing something worthwhile in life.Raising families,getting up every morning sick or not going to a job that they really don't like but do it anyway.

If that is you then you're my hero.

Going to hell

I'm starting off this week with anger in my heart.

Lord I know it's wrong but it's a story that needs putting out there.

Maybe someone will read it and see their self.

Grandma Haynes never for some reason cared for my Momma,why who knows but I think it was a idea put into her head by other members of the Haynes family.

Down on Juniper Street here in LaGrange were we lived 50 plus years ago is what this story is about.

Grandma had 5 daughters but she always lived with us.

Momma waited on that woman hand and foot,looking after when she was sick mainly because her daughters didn't.

The rumors started by those Juniper Street devils about Momma were shameless.

Not so bad were the rumors but people who knew it was rumors and didn't speak up.They are the one's I hold grudges against.

One of Grandma's daughter's on her deathbed did express her thanks to Momma for taking care of her Momma.

Lord forgive me for these feelings of disgust I have held for those folks all these years but like Momma always said...Juniper Street is going to hell!

Spiked pink punch and confessions

The annual Christmas party was held Thursday here at the old folks home.

Santa messed up,he thought I was on the nice list,scored big time.

I yours truly got 2 sets of lounger pants,2 long sleeve T shirts,pack of xl white T shirts,new set of earbuds and 4 bags of sugar free chocolate covered pecan candy squares(I shared).

The snacks at the party were great,grapes,tangerines,cookies,cheese balls,the best chicken nuggets and bless Gary J's sister she sent me a bag of her yummy M&M cookies that I have been bragging about since last year's party.

Us fat boys have to stick together,passing out his candy treats I got double helpings of Silver Bells and peppermints from Santa.

A good time was had,the pink punch wasn't spiked and that cut down on the fist fights between the little ole gray headed ladies.

Biker dude Ernie confessed he was once a male stripper,maybe he got the spiked pink punch.

Merry Christmas!

If you insist

I'm not going to say anything about what was seen in the sky yesterday.

Nope not going to say.

Well...

If you insist.

I was watching a big jet from my window and right under it something caught my attention.

To me it looked like a weather balloon.Slow moving almost stopping at times it seemed to be floating.

It did seem to change colors from silver to red.Maybe it was just the reflection of the sun on it.

Interesting what ever it was.

Guess it shows

The new nurse here at the old folks home had the pleasure of checking my nightly blood sugar and as usual it was sky high.

Wat'cha been eating she asked?

Without saying a word I pointed to a cartoon of buttermilk,my spare,for later when I get back in my room.

You drink that she asked?

Well now I  guess my country backwoods never seen sunlight ways must be showing but yes I drink buttermilk.

Buttermilk over sweet milk anytime far as I'm concerned.

Fact is I had buttermilk and cornbread for supper.

Back in the old days maybe not the good old days just way back when, a large skillet of cornbread was made for dinner(lunch it's now called)and what was left over that was your supper(some incorrectly now call it dinner)with your choice of milk,buttermilk or sweet milk.

As Lewis Grizzard,Great American,would say,not like the food in those fancy cafes were they cooked the tomatoes and eat the green beans raw.

Just plain good tasting food like milk and bread is good enough for me.

Guess my country ways were showing.

Maybe she was trying to tell me something

Do you think?

Years ago when I was younger and a woman was in my life this I found out.

On my Facebook page I noticed no longer was I in a relationship with this woman.

Maybe she was trying to tell me something.

On her Myspace this I read"still searching for the love of my life".

Maybe she was trying to tell me something.

A post on Facebook read"wish I was somewhere else".

Maybe she was trying to tell me something.

Tear jerkers

Dang.

Those Publix grocery store holiday commercials always make me tear up.

Right here this spot

I was talking with my friend here at the home Ernie the biker dude and half way kidding half way serious I said Ernie you do know this is where we will spend the rest of our days.

Right here,this spot,till we die or the home kicks us out,far seeing anything happening this is it right here.

Pizza for lunch soup and grilled cheese at supper on Fridays and chicken of some sort on Sundays.Forever.

Get use to it that's our future.

Both of us are 62 and with the help of medical advances maybe 10 maybe 20 more years we could hang on right here this spot.

The only place left for me to go is up the road to Hunter Allen Myhand funeral home then that short trip over to Shadowlawn cemetery where my folks are resting in peace.

At times laying here,31B,in room31SW,I think right here this spot,my comfy bed,is were I will meet the end of my story.

Some times when facing reality it don't seem nice but fact is fact.

Type of day

Like a cold drink of water on a blistering hot day.

A burst of cold Arctic air in my face.

Squishy mud between my bare toes.

A smile from someone who cares.

The roar of ocean waves.

Tall Georgia pine trees swaying in the wind.

Yeah.

That's the type of day I want.

Deep into the clutches

All this crazy talk around the old folks home has to have an effect on everyone.

People talking in riddles,they can't help it,they are deep into the clutches of craziness.

Maybe being crazy ain't so bad.

Busy

Busy burning bridges.

Cause I care

Tonight the full moon rises
Please be aware
Watch out for unexpected surprises
I say this not to frighten but cause I care

Strange things go on
Noises heard you can't explain
You know how it is around the old folks home
Full moons are never tame

Screams of help me will be heard
Just pay no mind
Don't fight it or struggle accept the absurd
Believe me just take a deep breath all will be fine

Nowhere else to go

I can relate.

Gossip

Back in the old days before Facebook and all the other social media outlets how did we keep up what was going on with our friends,family and neighbors?

Oh I remember.

It was called gossip back then.

All I want

All I want for Christmas is a good hot cup of coffee.

This lukewarm stuff here at the old folks home leaves lot to be desired.

Call it my vacation

Two days now I've had the pleasure of just laying here in bed playing on the computer and watching the world pass by my window.

All the Hoyer lift pads are in the laundry and I don't like being lifted by my arms,it hurts.

Call it my vacation.

Reason why?

The day after Thanksgiving.

Official start of the Christmas season.

Till this very day I wonder why a grown woman and man with sons my age tell me an innocent 5 year old that Santa wasn't going too visit me because I didn't receive a letter from him like their boys did.

I think about it every Christmas.

Assholes!

I like it

I know it.

I'm a boring person.

Always have been always will be.

Never been to war,never jumped out of a airplane,never been drunk,never smoked dope,never been in a police car chase,never been shot at(but a man did pull out a gun on my Daddy once and I wasn't scared for me but for Daddy)never cut up to much in school,never did anything I knew would worry me later,never will I be like Tony Soprano,never will I complain(not to you anyway)etc and etc.

Yes I'm just your everyday boring person who likes things quite,likes being alone at times,likes watching the sun set, likes puppies and kittens,likes being around people I like,likes comfort food(burgers,fries,beans peas,cornbread and since yesterday that delicious creamy cheese broccoli and smoky bacon soup)likes knowing what is right what is wrong and likes having God in my life,likes having you in my life(smiling)likes having sweet memories mixed in with the bad ones,likes the smell of honeysuckle on a star filled summer night peppered with fireflies,etc and etc.

Yes this is me John Lee Haynes...and I like it.

Wimps and weaklings

Wimps and weaklings.

Compared to old school rioters of years gone by this is the rioters of Ferguson.

I watched as 12 big ole boys tried to flip a Dodge subcompact Po Po car over and they barely got the thing up on 2 wheels.

Back in the ole days of rioting give Momma a 40 ouncer and she could flip them huge Crown Vic's by herself like they were Matchbox cars.

If you are going to steal do it big.

Back in the LA riots folks had style and class.

I remember seeing a huge 60 inch Sony TV hanging out the trunk of a Plymouth Duster.

Today's Ferguson rioters have set their sights way low.

The first place they hit was Dollar Tree.

Send them back to rioting 101 and learn how it's done old style.

Peoples done got old

Peoples done got old.

I was looking around on Facebook,really I was searching for folks I knew from East Newnan,Ga.

People I was so called friends with back in the 60's.That was a sarcastic remark excuse me.

After deep thought I've come to the conclusion really they weren't that nicest of people.

As I lay here drinking hot tea with just a taste of honey and lemon listening to the Ramones on YouTube my mind is free and clear.

I can and will say those people back in the day I really don't like now or then.

So should I invite them to be my friends on Facebook....nahh that ain't going to happen.

You ain't all that

It erks me when someone walks by,you say hello and get no response.

Could it be they are deaf and just didn't hear me?

Could it be they were so busy in deep thought all outside communication was shut out?

Could it be they felt saying hello in return wasn't worthy of their time?

Could it be whatever?

I can forgive but forgetting is another thing.

Besides you really ain't all that.

Lost innocence

51 years ago, November 22nd,1963,a simpler time,a Friday,about 2 pm est,a cloudy but mild day,11 years old in the 6th grade at East Newnan Elementary life as we had known it changed.

President John Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas,Texas.

Principal Hemphil announced over the loud speaker in each class room that the President was dead.

It started raining and turned cold that afternoon.

All TV networks, just 3 at that time,in black and white broadcast around the clock news,updates,interviews with witnesses and speculation about who or what had killed JFK.

I watched live on TV Saturday as Lee Harvey Oswald the accused assassin was shot and killed by Jack Ruby.

It has been called the end of Camelot.

America had lost it innocence.

Opportunity

Room available.

For that special person a special opportunity.

Come join us down in room 31 SW where your every need will be met.

Special consideration given if you have kin folk who work at the Krystal or Taco Bell that visit often and are very generous.

Inquire within to our resident manager Paul.

If you are that special one come on down.

Baby it's cold outside

18 degrees this morning in LaGrange.

That is cold for here this time of the year.

I had to decide if breakfast or staying under warm covers which one was the best choice.

When I was a kid for heat we had coal burning fireplaces or a pot belly stove and later on when the city ran gas lines to houses space heaters.

Never was heat left on at night.

Those patch quilts piled so high it felt like being encased in cement kept you warm.

Those cold mornings and the first steps on bare painted wood floors made  emergency runs to the bathroom just that an emergency.

No wonder carpeted floors became a big hit.

Ernie the biker dude

I have a friend here at the old folks home let's just call him Ernie the biker dude.

Ernie is 6 months younger than me and I really enjoy our chats we have each day sitting around the TV.

The biker dude looks the part.Rings on each finger,chains around the neck and bracelets on each wrist,ear rings and a body covered with tattoos shaved head and beard.He looks like that singer from Judas Priest really.

When it starts lighting I tend to give Ernie the biker dude plenty of room cause I just know wearing all that silver jewelry he would be an excellent conductor for electricity.

He tells of his adventures in his life and I just know my evil twin and Ernie could be blood brothers or maybe twins separated at birth.

On one of his fingers he wears a ring that caught my attention a skull with red eyes.

We have a hand shake deal.

If I kick the bucket first he can have my prized possession this computer.Now if he gives up the ghost first that silver skull ring with red eyes is mine.

A blaze of glory

Laying here in bed last night looking out the window nature provided me with a light show of no comparison to any thing man made.

A shooting star streaked across the sky moving east to west.

It seemed to be low and slow almost stopping so I could enjoy it longer.

A flash and poof it was gone.

I got to thinking,that shooting star was like man,bright,fast moving then in a blaze of glory it was gone only to be left as a memory to be enjoyed later.

Just for laughs

Laying here in bed waiting on breakfast watching it rain and the wind blow the BlueJay bird wind chime out my bedside window something caught my attention.

Down the hall people were laughing.Each laugh was different like voices I could tell who the laugh belonged to.

Some laughs were the tiny almost embarrassed to be laughing laughs,others were the snorting kind I don't care who's listening types.

Some laughs were pleasant others that make your skin crawl like fingernails scraping a blackboard type of laugh.

But the best laughs of all are a baby's laugh.

Set me free

Shadows pass by me
Chill down my spine
Something there I can't see
Maybe I'm losing my mind

I feel there is evil
Here with me
Surely I'm bedeviled
Jesus set me free

Goings on at the old folks home

Weekly round up of the goings on at the old folks home.

Ms A. the Lady who threw a cup of ice water in my face awhile back has had her wheelchair fixed and she no longer goes round and round in circles like a ship with a broke rudder.She is on the move and it worries me when I know that little old Lady is behind me some where out of sight.She spends her free time hollering help and just like that little boy who cried wolf one day help will be needed for real but her cries for help will go unnoticed.

Rufus was acting like a dufus and the Po Po's took him away.His piano and guitar playing will be missed...nahh.

Ms P. does her nightly laps around the mall area in her wheelchair.She is huffing and puffing like Fred Sandford who would say "this is the big one Elizabeth".I just know she will fall out with a heart attack some afternoon.Each lap she makes my foot manages getting run over least once.

Mr R. is back from his vacation at the hospital and I'm trying to convince him to leave me one of his rings the one which is a skull with red eyes in his will.You know just in case.

Gary J. reelected resident president.Again no one else wants the job so the incumbent had no opposition.

Eating fried chicken

Nurse Amber bless your heart
How can I say thank you where do I start
What you brought back from town
Makes me feel like jumping around

Big Chick chicken and crinkle fries
From this bed I will arise
Talk about food that's good
Eating fried chicken in the hood

A big surprise for me

Talk about being surprised I was.

It all took place last Saturday at lunch.As always and always on this day my order for hotdogs was put in to the kitchen.

What happened was rarer than snow in Georgia in July or stranger than me thinking a politician is honest and looking out for my best interest.

I was took back friends.

Opening my lunch plate top there they were two of the prettiest fried or baked or microwaved who cares big ole corndogs.

Flashback.

It was an New Year's eve and off to the Krystal I went.Not even out of the drive thru yet and I was munching on a cornpup and then it happened,stars were seen maybe I even blacked out for a few micro seconds,the humanity of it all,I had bit down on the cornpup stick and loosen my $1000 implanted front tooth yeah the tooth that the dog ate years later.

But my lust for corndogs hasn't ceased.

I've already put my order in for hotdogs today join me friends in hoping for more corndogs and lots of mustard.

Redneck ways explained

Redneck ways explained:

1.Shaving your beard off...disguise...hiding from your wife or the Po Po's.

2.Wearing of socks...somebody done died and you have to dress up for the funeral.

3.Feast for sore eyes...swiping the last buttered biscuit from Bubba.

4.Question...why did you shoot Larry Bill...answer...he was wearing a camo hat,camo face mask,camo coat,camo pants and camo boots...I didn't see'em.

5.In the dog house...place you go that's much nicer than at home with the wife and kids.

6.Here is where you can add a saying... ain't easy is it?

7.Redneck woman's way of showing her love for you...holding your  backy spit cup made from a Folgers coffee can when driving the F150 on bumpy roads.

8.Git...what I better do after numbers 5 and 7.

Clink clank

Something in my life is missing.

On a cold clear winters night laying in bed half way between sleep and awake the sound of a train,whistle blowing and tracks rattling with bells ringing.

 I don't hear them hear.

That clink clank of the train on the track I hoped would never stop or least till falling asleep.

Shootin and Cookin

Congratulations to my friend who now has her own Saturday afternoon TV show.

Watch for it at 4 pm weekly on your local Fox TV station.

The name of the show is Shootin and Cookin.

Tune in each week and find out what's been shot and how she will cook it.Here is a sneak preview.

Doesn't get any better

It doesn't get any better than this.

Fall days especially fall afternoons.The colors of trees with browns,oranges and yellow leaves.That brisk refreshing air on a fall evening when you take a deep breath and your nostrils are filled with the chillness  and the simple joy of wood smoke from someone's fireplace or the burning of fallen leaves.

In your front porch rocker watching the suns last shimering rays as it sets in the west being replaced by a star filled sky so big and bright you feel like reaching up and grabbing one.

Peace has come to you.

Old folks and drugs

The Bible said to drink a little wine for thou stomachs sake.

Now why don't we follow rules the Bible has set forth?

I think that instead of loading us old folks up with these high power drugs that have all these awful side effects give us all a little glass of wine before bedtime some folks maybe would need two glasses to relax and get everyone in a happy mood.

While pouring our drinks how about a little smoke of that medical marijuana for our bad eyes and aching joints.

Natural medications instead of those synthetic man made killer drugs that the big pharmaceutical companies say we should take.

 Come on now wouldn't you rather see Grandma and Grandpa dancing around having a bit of fun and being happy instead of having that dead fish stare in their eyes?

Catastrophe at old folks home

A catastrophe at the old folks home was avoided today.

Seems some of the residents here took a trip to Burger King for Whoppers and fries on the bus borrowed from our big sister nursing home across town.

All goes well till the return trip back.Seems the remote hand control for the wheelchair lift was left dangling outside of the bus according to our on the spot reporter rendering it un usable.

Those on wheelchairs were trapped on the bus and had to be rescued. From my understanding there were a few tense moments among the trappees.

Gary J in his big power chair was one of the trappees and our reporter on the spot has of yet not had a chance to interview him yet getting his first hand impression of the event.

From my understanding all were rescued.

Our on the spot reporter with their box of crayons and a piece of scrap paper renders this photo of the scene.

The good the bad

Car bursts into flames after wreck at Checkers - Lagrange Daily News - lagrangenews.com

The good...no one hurt

The bad...Big Bufords just went on sale 2 for $5

Strange

Looking out my window a few minutes ago I seen something.

Was it a flock of white/silvery birds flying in formation or...

The strange thing was they disappeared,just vanished,poof very quickly.

Watcha talking bout Willis

I should have known.

Past few days here at the old folks home I've had some interesting conversations.

I guess you could call them interesting,different for sure but mostly just confusing.A few of the residents have  engaged me in conversations and it's like they are speaking some unknown foreign long forgotten language.

I could not make heads or tails out of what they were saying.They could have been speaking French or something but I just could not understand them.

I was so glad,after agreeing with what ever it was they were talking about they finished up and moved along.

Another resident rolls up and starts their story just like I'm suppose to know what they are talking about.It seems I'm missing something and when I ask what they are talking about it's like they don't hear me and continue with their story.

Silly me.

I totally missed it.

Now I know why the confusion.

Last night was the Beaver/Frosty full moon.

Word scares me

That word scares me.

The C word.

Cancer.

In my Daddy's family just about all of them died of it.It has even started in my generation with several cousins having it now or have died from it.

Every little ache or pain I get I think of Daddy.Lung an bone cancer killed him.I remember the pain he had.

It was hard watching him in pain and wasting away.Daddy had always been big and strong.

In his family Grandpa,Daddy,Aunt Gladys,Aunt Ruby,Aunt Myrtle and Aunt Eula all died with one type or another cancer.

Yes that word strikes fear in me.

He hates dogs

All the dogs on Juniper Street knew when Joe(I won't use his last name)was close by.

Joe was the dog catcher back then in the late 1950's.

Seems the dogs had their own way of saying Joe was coming.Barking was relayed one by one warning other dogs of impeding danger.

I seen Joe take out his rifle and blindly shoot at a fleeing dog through a neighbors yard once.Where that bullet ended up who knows.

Good news was the dog escaped.

Forward to the 2000's.

A neighbor had a dog with several puppies.They were kept in a pen next to another neighbor's property line.

There is always one in a neighborhood,the one that don't like anybody or anything.

Neighbor called dog catcher and long story short he sided with hate everything neighbor and the dogs,Momma and puppies were removed.

Now this dog catcher who was about 300 pounds looking like a Samurai wrestler puts a choke collar on Momma and leads her to his dog catching truck.

Well Momma I guess doesn't want to go and is a bit uncontrolable and 300 pound takes out his baton and is in motion to wack Momma dog.

The scene brings back memories of Joe and his rifle.

So I'm thinking putting 1 plus 1 togather and have come to the conclusion that to be a dog catcher one has to be a dog hater.

Jesus was a Republican?

I just don't understand.

Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was a Republican?

The way people are talking this morning  he was.

First off let me say I'm not a Democrat or Republican if I'm anything call me an Independent.

What I don't like about party politics is just that they are for the party they belong with and the American people are far down the list of who they work for.

Being honest both parties have done good both have done bad.

I have faith in the American people but none in the political system.

Never on Saturday

Think I'm turning into a ...

Just about all my life I  have been one almost.

Lately it has been showing up more and more in my life and the way I think.

Yes Dear ones put down that Big Mac,slide that T bone off to the side of your plate,take that chicken and give it a good fling,I sure don't want you to choke when I break the news to you.

I'm not 100% yet but just about ready to turn that corner.Coming out of the closet you could say.

Friends are you sitting down?

Here goes hold on.

I'm a uh one of those you know please don't judge me okay out loud and proud here goes...

VEGETARIANS!!!

There I've said it and now I'm free  from living that double life.

No more whoppers for me,not even one of those small square Krystal burgers who I have been having a love affair with since the age of 10.

From now on the only food that touches my lips will be cauliflower and steamed carrots.

Except on Saturdays at lunch when hot dogs are served here at the old folks home.

MSNBC FOX CNN

What's wrong with me
I watch MSNBC on TV
That morning joe
He is in the know

You can keep Fox
The anchor Ladies are pretty
O'Riley and Smith
For brains they have rocks

Now CNN
I watch it from now and then
The mouth of the south Ted Turner
I think we are kin

I so miss Walter Cronkite
Him I believed
And that's the way it is
He would say each night

Rudeness in the 1st degree

Rudeness in the 1st degree
Talking about you Wille T
Swiping the remote like a dog grabbing a bone
Acting like you were home

Others watching a football game
You changed the channel to something lame
Women's basketball
Talking about having gall

Playing that radio loud all night
That's another thing that's not right
Even with my headphones on
Still it doesn't drown it out

So be considerate be nice
Before you flick them channels think twice
I know you have short attention span
Come on now act like a man

Messing with God's doings

Stop messing with God's doings.

Man in his high opinion of himself always messes things up.

Take this time changing thing.Daylight savings time regular time all that other time stuff.

I think we are now on what I always called sun time.The way God planned it and if that's the way He wanted it leave it alone.

So we fell back in time this morning.Come spring it will spring ahead.It confuses me and this morn up at my regular time which would be 7 am yesterday it was now 6 am and that meant 2 more hours till breakfast.

Confused and my stomach growling I sure wish the powers that be just stop messing with God's plan of things.

Time waits for no one

A new month.

November has come in hard here in Georgia.Right now the temperature is 44 degrees with cloudy skies and wind gust up to 32 mph.

Thanksgiving will be here soon,my favorite holiday.

Time waits for no one 2015 is just about here.

The temptation was great

I did it.

Temptation arose but I fought it off last night.

Before your mind starts running wild let me explain.

Here at the old folks home last night we passed out candy to trick o treaters. I had the pleasure of passing out the sweet delights to the most well mannered children.One little guy really touched my heart with his politeness by thanking me with a hug.

Me holding that bag of candy was like tempting an alcoholic with a bottle of spirits but not one piece of that candy did I  let enter my mouth.

Maybe a piece of bubble yubble gum I did take maybe 2 pieces okay then it was 3.

But no candy.

Doing it the old fashioned way

Doing it the old fashion way.

A blast from the past.

Before days of high tech gizmos like PC's,tablets,cable and satellite TV days before round the clock news,movie and music there was a thing called radio.

I just pulled my little dilly of a radio out plugged in headphones and like a trip in a time machine there I was in the golden olden days.

Down on the AM band where I spent so much of my youthful nights being amazed by music all the way from a station in Chicago playing that rock n roll at night.

In between all that static and signals fading I heard Cassius Clay in those boxing matches,baseball games from my favorite team the Atlanta Crackers yes way before the Atlanta Braves came to town.On Sunday when Nascar was to redneck of a sport to show on TV it was always on the radio.

Talk shows were my favorite.At work I would listen to Jim White at KMOX in St Louis,Lester Rolof the preacher asking for money to save the souls of those heathen Indians as he called them telling women they were going to Hell if they cooked out of a can and were I first heard of a man named Jimmy Swaggert.

Since I was a little boy radio fascinated me so much that in 1976 after studying and learning Morse code and all that techno jumbo I took my amateur(ham)radio test at the FCC field office in Atlanta before Angelo Ditty the field engineer and received my ham radio call of WA4PFG which I still hold.

I cant wait till tonight so again with my little radio I  can pull stations from far away places out of the static and fading.

Maybe I can find me an all night talk show to keep me company.

I see a haint

I hear a bugger
I see a haint
I'm so skeered
I'm gonna faint

Ghost and goblins
Running all around
All sorts of scary things
I even seen a zombie rising from the ground

Little scary creatures
Going door to door
Saying trick o treat
Nothing but a night of gore

Help us all
Protect us from evil
It's so scary
I seen a kid dressed as Theodore Cleaver

Don't stop me

Walking out of my boots.

Several times I have woke up and my protective boots would be off.They are soft padded boots that help prevent getting blisters or rubbed spots on my feet.Being a diabetic and having feet problems can lead to bad things.

Several of the residents here have lost toes,feet and one has had both his legs amputated.

How the boots get off who knows.They have Velcro straps and I can't reach them so it's not me unstrapping and taking those boots off.

So this leaves only one answer.

I'm walking out of my boots.Maybe it's sleep walking and I just don't remember it.Maybe it's a mind over body thing.Maybe who knows what it is.

All my life people have seen me at places I ain't been doing things I ain't done.Always I laughed it off as people being mistaken.

Since being here at the old folks home people have seen me walking around the place.Someone even asked if I had a twin brother since they seen me walking out the front door once.

Really I have no idea what is going on.

So if you see me out about and I'm walking don't stop me just let me enjoy it.

Old folks home Halloween

Old folks home Halloween
Screams of help me help me
The scariest thing I've ever seen
Makes me want to flee

The halls echo with terror
Sights I don't want to see
Here comes an ax bearer
Hope he can't see me

Zombies they walk
Blank stare they have
There are many a big flock
Some I shoot others stab

Old folks home Halloween
I just woke up
It was only a dream
I't was just that wine in my cup

Closer to glory

One day closer to glory
Soon we will be going home
This is true not a story
Always this I've known

Jesus died on that cross
His blood washed our sins away
Jesus death was not at lost
Our guarantee of a better day

Grandma had a saying

Grandma Smith had a word for it.

Wife of a Baptist preacher but raised a Methodist,quiet,always sitting in her rocking chair,long dress,sweater on year round and that ever present apron.

She always said kids never bothered her but grown ups did.She had 13 kids,twins boys died at birth but the rest she raised mostly alone because Grandpa died at the age of 40.His name was John who I was named after.Lee Haynes my other Grandpa I was also named after so I'm John Lee.

Best I can remember she had 13 grand kids mostly girls it seemed.One Christmas Grandma bought us grand kids a present.Eagerly I opened the wrapped box.To my surprise it was pink and white hankies.Not exactly thrilling for a little boy.I'm sure if it had been the other way around with grand boys as the majority things would have been different.Cap pistols maybe would have been our gifts.

Every Sunday her kids and grand kids would be at her house for those big Sunday dinners.

She never cut her hair.Always worn in a bun.Once I watched as Grandma combed her hair and to my surprise it touched the floor.She never gave me a wooping but once she did get a curtain rod and threaten me but I knew it was a bluff all because I was playing in the big ditch behind Aunt Lema's but when Uncle Thomas snuck up and said lets go I did.

Well the story is getting long and it could be longer but I'll get to what this story is about.

Grandma had a saying.Being all I said a preachers wife,quiet and mild mannered that one little word,a four letter word she would utter always when mad upset or disagreeing with someone and that word was...

To my Facebook cousins you know that word but everyone else will just have to guess.

Dead or passed

Maybe I'm wrong.

But I think people are just fooling themselves when they say someone has passed away.

Forgive me but they didn't pass they died.

You pass cars,you pass the 1st grade,you pass kidney stones,you pass inspection but when you take that final breath you are the word dead.

I can understand the reasoning for using the word passed instead of died.The word passed seems much more kinder,not as scary and doesn't sound as final as the word dead.

The Bible said the dead in Christ shall rise first from the grave on the return of Jesus not the passed in Christ.

Caveman hairy

Caveman hairy.

I suffer from it.

Just like grass growing through concrete so does my hair.It grows places you don't want or need it.

I'm pretty sure one of my ancestors was a hairy caveman and all that hair might have served a purpose like keeping him warm during the ice age or acting as camouflage while hunting saber tooth tigers for that BBQ planned for the weekend.

I'm just thankful most women didn't get the hairy cavewoman gene.

Somebody would get hurt

Some new activity suggestions for the old folks home.

How about buying everyone motorized wheelchairs and watch us old fogies run wild up and down the halls playing bumper cars.

Nah somebody would get hurt.

How about this dig a big catfish pond outback and give each resident his/her own cane pole and a supply of red wigglers and you could charge guest for fishing and make some spend doodle.

Nah somebody would get hurt.

Well this idea would work for sure.Build a target practice range and give each resident their choice of weapons,pistol,rifle or for the adventours type hunting bows and maybe one day each week say Wednesday could be game day we could play the walking dead.

Nah somebody would get hurt.

Don't tell Gary

Room 31 has a plan.

We the roomies are pretty sure that we will win either the big lottery or the Publishers Clearing House prize.

I can see it now that PCH prize patrol knocking on our door with that big check and a bouquet of roses for Paul.

You may ask what us old cooters are going to with our windfall?

This is our plan and a very good one it is.

First thing on our list is going to the Krystal.Sitting around a table the details of our good fortune will be sorted out.Agreed on so far is buying one of those super duper Greyhound bus size RV's.It will be equipped with everything imaginable thing like a George Jetson push button selectimatic food dispenser with all our favorite food,snacks and liquid refreshments.

Next on our list is the hiring our private duty Nurses and CNA's.Applications are being accepted at this time.Please inquire within at room 31 SW ask for Paul our human resource manger.

Other details will be worked out once on the road.

We the residents of room 31 SW do ask for a special request.

Please don't let Gary from the north wing know anything of our good fortune.He said that if we ever won big time he wants to drive the bus.Have mercy on us and the rest of the travelers out there.

Gary don't need to be driving no bus.

Ever consuming Devil

Everything is good,no problems,hokie  dorie and all but for some reason I wish things were different and I was back at my old home.

Okay,enough of that ever consuming Devil of feeling sad.

Perk up old man you have lots to be happy and thankful for.

Example today is Saturday and that means hot dogs for lunch and I have an onion to chop and dice for them.

Can't complain.

Me and OCD

Once I had a disease
It was called OCD
Little things out of order
Me it didn't please

If my black socks had lint
If my shoes didn't shine
I would get bent
Ready to lose my mind

But I found a cure
Free for me
Having kids in the house
Set me free

Let me tell you about my best friend

My first and best friend.

Standing Rock,Alabama 4 years old living out were no other children lived I wanted a friend.

Every time Uncle Lavert who was a policeman in Roanoke came by I begged for a dog.

Sure enough one day he came by and with him was this small black and white dog my dog.

At first Lassie was scared shy and ran away.Yes I named him Lassie even though he was a male dog,you see I watched that TV series Lassie and it seemed like a fitting name.

After a few days Lassie came home,hungry,thirsty and friendly.

We hit it off quick.Lassie became my 4 legged shadow were I went Lassie went.

My protector.Once we where outside,back then parents just turned kids loose and they played all day outside without the worry of today's crazies,into a ditch covered by a small wooden bridge I fell.

Maybe I was knocked out for a bit laying on the jagged rocks,Daddy drove over the bridge but didn't hear my cries for help.I kid you not Lassie ran home and brought back my parents.

After we moved back to LaGrange living on Juniper Street I'm guessing I was 7 years old,sitting on a porch with other Juniper Street hooligans waiting on the police to come and get one of the kid's Daddy who was drunk two cops came walking up the steep steps parting us kids like Moses did the Red Sea Lassie took offense to it and growled at one of the cops and he reached for his belt with the pistol on it and I screamed you better not shoot my dog!

The cop quickly took his hand off the gun and proceeded to his crime fighting of the day hauling drunks out of houses.

Grandma Haynes would walk across the street and I swear Lassie would stand on his hind legs place his front paws on her arm as if guiding her to safety.

Lassie stayed with me for 6 years.We were living on Big Springs Road and he just didn't come home one day.

Miss you love you Lassie.

If you see fit

Lord you and I know I'm far from being a perfect Christian.

You know my short comings better than I.

But Lord if you see fit help the people here at the old folks home tonight.

Some sure need your help and love.

Lucky Tiger

I like to think that Daddy comes by and checks on me ever so often even though he passed away 22 years ago.

He always used Lucky Tiger hair oil and every so often I get a good whiff of that stuff.

This morning he must have came around cause the smell of Lucky Tiger is in the air.

Halloween

Halloween night
Ghost and ghouls roam the street
A night for monstrous fright
Looking for anything sweet

Even the walking dead
Will be out and about
That night they shall dread
Some will lose their head

Give me candy
Trick or treat
Snickers Reese cups Paydays
Good stuff I will reap

Treat me nice treat me good
Tricks you don't want
In your neighborhood
I will haunt

The light is back

The light is back.

Two days in a row out of the corner of my eye I have seen it.It has been awhile since I've seen it and when I do it means someone is not long for this world.

It use to show up on my bedroom ceiling accompanied by the over powering smell of roses.

A light the size of a $.50 piece just floating around then poof with no warning it was gone.

Half way kidding I asked my TV watching comrade if he had seen that light on the wall and told him the meaning of it.His answer was "have you bumped your head?".

Maybe it is time for a cat scan or MRI of the old noggin but so far the light has never failed me yet.

As I look around wondering who's next who has the light come for is it that one no him oh no it's her maybe just maybe it's....... YOU!

The wanderers

I call them the wanderers.

Those unfortunate souls lost deep into their own little world.

I watched a little Lady today as she passed where I was sitting at least three times,her eyes just a blank stare like the way dead fish eyes look.Each trip by me she huffed and puffed worse tired from her wandering around and around in a circle.

I get skeptical

Where does the money collected go I wonder?

Every time you turn on TV or look at an ad people are asking for money for this disease that disease or some cause.

Does the money make it to the ones it is intended for?

I give you a personal experience of this.

When my Mom was sick with dementia(Alzheimer's can't be determined till after the brain is dissected)so dementia is usually the diagnosis she received no help at all from any of the organizations that say they help.

My Aunt applied for Momma to receive meals on wheels,I didn't care for their help anyway because I did the cooking for her but she did not qualify for some reason or another.

I applied for Momma help from a state agency that was to help elderly people but was told there was a long waiting time for an opening.Ironically the agency called a few days after she had died saying they had an opening.

I will say that home health did come out for a few weeks to help with her bathing and a social worker said the Hospital pharmacy would take care of her medications which at the time the pharmacist at the drug store said Mom had one of the costliest drug bills she knew of.

Thank goodness Mom's retirement pay covered her drug bill and insurance she kept from work after she retired.

So I'm sorry that I get skeptical of these people and organizations who say (they are here to help).

No really I'm not.

The Bad Egg

The Bad Egg.

That's me according to the preachers wife.So bad that her sons were not allowed to sit with me in church.

As in life there are usually two sides to every story.This one is no different.

East Newnan,Georgia is were all this takes place maybe I  was 13 years old at the time.

This is the place I started questioning authority figures at this little Baptist church my family attended.

The preacher had two sons one was my age the other was older and I never had much to do with him.

What most Mother's believe about their sons and what they actually do can be different things.

This story is about a life lesson learned.

My friend the preacher's son and I were playing basketball and making a dunk he hit the rim and ended up with a pretty good gash on his nose.

Don't tell how this happened because my parents won't let me play basketball anymore he pleaded.

Sure fine okay with me what ever he told his parents I would agree to the story.

Days passed and we were at some church function and out of the blue the preacher's wife said I had lied.

Now before being called a liar Momma had asked me how this kid had gotten hurt and I told her the real story because either way it was no skin off my nose so to speak.

Seems his Mom had been talking with mine and the subject of the gash on her son's nose came up.There were two completely different tales about the incident mine and his and the preacher's wife refused to think her son was telling a fib.

So a lesson was learned never take up for someone who you think might hang you out to dry like my friend did me.

So I became know as the Bad Egg at church.

But you know being A Bad Egg with a clear conscious ain't a bad label after all.

Moral of the story...know the whole story before you judge someone!

I got tricked

Trick or treat a kid.

Three years old,the year was 1955,Roanoke,Alabama,Halloween night.

The first Halloween I remember and thrilled and ready for trick or treating I was.

But as in life there was a problem.

Being a little country kid with no other children around my playmates were dogs,cats,cows,chickens,hogs and Ole Grey John Grandpa's plow mule.

I had this recurring problem.Not fond of shoes often I was bare footed.Those unpainted weather worn splintered porches were my enemy.More than once a splinter stuck in my foot and often they would get infected.I had to take those quarter size sulphur pills for my blood something wasn't quite right with it.

More than once off to Roanoke Hospital I was taken to get my foot scraped because of a cut that had become infected.This was the old Roanoke Hospital and I can still remember how it smelled of alcohol and ether.

Okay back to 1955,Halloween,I had my first Halloween costume,Casper the ghost,trick or treat bag ready for candy and as it would be an infected foot.

Off to the Hospital my folks took me.

A deal was made between us,if I would go peacefully trick or treating we would go afterwards.

No such luck.

When that Doctor held up that big huge shiny shot needle all deals were off.

Into one of best I don't want to do this tantrums I went and it took Daddy,the Doctor and a terrified Nurse to hold me down for that shot.

Of course they won I was outnumbered.

Long story short you probably guessed it,no trick or treating for me.

Still after 59 years I remember getting tricked on my first Halloween.

The Steve Urkel syndrome and wedgies

The Steve Urkel Syndrome and wedgies.

Just two of the dangers of living at the old folks home.

When placed into your wheelchair sometimes you need a little help finding that comfy spot.This usually takes two helpful Ladies who grab under your arms and the waist band of your pants and gently they pull you backwards till that comfortable spot is reached that spot where you can sit up straight that spot where you can wiggle around a bit.

That is the G spot the good comfortable spot.

But.

At times when searching for that G spot the good spot this will happen.

You will get a wedgie front and back wedgies no less.

And for those fortunate enough never to have suffered a wedgie let me tell you they are really uncomfortable down right painful if you get the bad configured front wedgie.

You can just use your imagination on that one.

Now there is a side effect of front and back wedgies the dreaded Steve Urkel look you know the waist band of your pants are just below your arm pits.

Yes friends there are many dangers living at the old folks home this is just an example of two of them.

Just call me Professor

Just call me Professor.

From now on I'm going to be a Professor of Southern cuisine and translator of Southern sayings and words for the un informed and less fortunate(Yankees)people.

Let us begin with what would be good for our Sunday dinner(notice I said dinner not lunch there are 3 meals in a day,breakfast,dinner at noon and supper which should be no later than 5 pm).

For our meal if you ain't got the needed fixins copy this list down and get your shoes on and let's go to the Piggly Wiggly.

We need:
1.pound bag of dry big white butter beans(a bigger bag if you're expecting company).
2.bag of Martha White cornbread mix cornmeal.
3.buttermilk for cooking and drinking.
4.10 pound bag of Irish taters.
5.small can of lard will do.
6.small bag of Martha White self rising flour.
7.couple of onions.
8.box of salt.
9.a cold Double Cola cause it gonna get hot in the kitchen when we cooking.
10.last we need a can of cherries.

Now I have found out that really it don't matter if you soak dry beans or just wash em off and pour said beans into a boiling pot of water on top of the stove of course.

When those beans reach a boiling point go ahead turn them down to a medium heat,salt to taste,add left over bacon grease from breakfast and just let'em cook making sure they have water(scorched beans not good)leave em along now they will cook up nice all by them self in an hour or so.

Next for our desert.Take a cup of flour more if a thicker crust is wanted,cup of melted butter,cup of sugar,cup of sweet milk(that's whole milk for you Yankees)take that can of cherries and mix all ingredients well and pour into a greased up good size oven safe bowl and cook for 45 minutes or till brown on top at 375 degrees.This will be if you haven't guess cherry cobbler.

Now as our beans and cobbler cook peel them taters and slice and dice, get your big frying pan out,a black cast iron skillet that you inherited from your Dear departed Grandma always works best,get a couple big spoonfuls of that lard and careful now melt your lard in that skillet till bubbly hot and pour them taters in till they are fried crispy brown and delicious salted to your likin.

We are coming along right nicely with our dinner all that's left to do is fry up some cornbread fritters.Now if that word fritter confuses you really all it is is pancakes made with cornmeal,some call'em Johnny cakes or hoe cakes but really it's just fried cornbread.Take a big bowl and mix in some Martha White cornmeal mix,add your buttermilk,stir till the mixture slides out of the bowl like boiled okra into another black cast iron that was inherited from Granny(ok so you were the first to arrive at Grandma's after she departed this world and swiped all her good stuff)that skillet you grease up with a small amount of lard and sprinkle a little bit of that Martha White flour into the pan so our fritters won't stick,make into pancake size fritters,fry till a golden brown.

Shoot now our dinner should be done all it took was about a hour.

See having a first class Southern dinner wasn't hard at all.

Our butter beans should be soft swimming in a thick bean soup,taters slice diced fried ready to eat,a stack of fritters waiting on us,and that golden brown cheery cobbler for our desert.

If any of that cold Double Cola is left we can share it but if not a cold glass of that buttermilk will work.

Next time let's fix fried cabbage,corn beef hash and more fritters.

Let's eat !

I seen it!

Looking out my window yesterday I seen it.

My heart filled with excitement just like when I was a kid.

A truck pulling a long trailer and on that trailer was fair rides,little kiddie cars.

A sure sign that the fair is in town.

October is fair time in Georgia.Moving from big towns to the smaller ones all around the state.Just like the hummingbirds in spring the fair returns each fall.

Sawdust covered the ground,the hum of motors powering the rides,that wonderful smell of candy apples,corn dogs french fries and hamburgers,cotton candy all the great fun good tasting food.

Rides,shows,wrestle a bear see the dancing Ladies from far away exotic lands.

For a few brief seconds my memory took me back back to being a kid at the fair.

Winds of hate

The winds of hate and ignorance are being fanned by those who live off the suffering of others.

They come as a wolf  dressed in sheep clothing.

Never will they be satisfied till they corrupt your minds with untruths.

This is their job.

Already they try to divide this  Ebola crisis along racial lines.

My life is a soap opera

AS THE WORLD TURNS laying in my bed at GENERAL HOSPITAL I notice it's close to THE EDGE OF NIGHT.

While waiting on the DOCTORS my nurse MARY HARTMAN MARY HARTMAN gave me a shot that made me feel YOUNG AND RESTLESS again.

All I could see was DARK SHADOWS on the hospital room wall.Please come quick BEN CASEY I feel like the DAYS OF MY LIFE are slipping away.

Oh how I wish I was in FERNWOOD TONIGHT with ALL MY CHILDREN.

If something isn't done quick I know I'm not long for ANOTHER WORLD.Already I see a GUIDING LIGHT.

I must be dreaming because all the nurses seem so BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL maybe I will awake soon and be in PEYTON PLACE.

Yes it all was just a dream,it never happened just like when Bobby never died on DALLAS.

A little pleasure

To the powers that be or those who really care or someone who will just listen.

I have a beef,complaint,gripe or whatever you want to call it.

There are two things that give me pleasure here at the nursing home.

Hot showers every other day and food.

Food that I  like and enjoy food like what I would cook if possible.

I'm sick and tired of beef tips on pasta,beef tips on rice with squishy mushrooms that make me gag,steamed carrots hid in my food,broccoli,cauliflower and that stuff called grilled zucchini,chicken legs baked,chicken breast baked,pork of some type every day,frozen vegtables from a bag and canned green beans.

Cook me some dry beans,butter beans,pintos,some peas,cook them on the top of the stove,slow and low till the bean soup is thick and good.Fry up some sliced diced taters and some cornbread fritters and have a big sweet onion on the side.

Food not artificial meat like chicken bacon and sausage.

Keep it real keep it good and add a little pleasure to an old man's life.

Walking Dead analyzed

Have you noticed that women love that TV series Walking Dead were all it's about is shooting or using ice picks on those pesky undead zombies?

Never have I heard any man talk about the show or get excited when it comes on.Women even post on Facebook a count down to show time.

So I'm trying to analyze this and have come to this conclusion.

My fellow brethren,unwatchers of the Walking Dead,I think women are using this show to work out their aggression and anger toward husbands,boyfriends,that little red headed boy who broke their heart in the 1st grade or us the male population in general.

That is the only reasonable answer I can think of.

I think we men should be skeered very skeered!

Not in my box

Just sitting around the big fireplace talking about the subject of us residents being put out on the streets due to government shutdowns,WW3,things beyond our control,invasion by those bad boy reptilian aliens so on and so on was the topic the other day.

Gary J my friend and fellow resident here at the OFH have a plan.

Like all good former Boy Scouts of the past we are prepared.

I have found a clean large pasteboard box suitable for human habitation and have it folded neatly flat and stored under my bed.

When and if that days comes Gary J in his power chair will lead the way pulling me in my wheelchair and off to find a suitable place to live we will go.

We have decided that living under an railroad bridge would be the most suitable place we could call our humble abode.Being a lot them close by is also a plus because Gary J is not the best power chair driver having a tendency to run over and into things not meant to be.So a railroad bridge close by would be ideal.

But like all things in life there are problems with this idea of living under an railroad bridge.

Gary J has said he will live in my pasteboard box with me because he is afraid of snakes,bugs and the fact he gets cold easy.

Sorry Gary J but that is just not going to happen my friend.

Not in my box.