Self proclaimed con man

See this guy?

His name is Gary Seymore Jenkins.

If you do happen to run up on Gary....run.

Just sit back my friend and let me tell you of Gary.

Gary is like my kid brother who Momma should have snipped off his head when a baby,least that is what I tell him.

Self proclaimed con man,womanizer and sometimes just all around pest.

Once Gary brought me a bag of Tootsie roll pops.How much I owe you Gary I asked?

How much you got on you he answered.$4 is all I got Gary.That will be enough Gary said,I paid him and off he went.

I knew he had took me from the beginning,so I looked up the price of that bag of Tootsie roll pops on the internet from the local Walmart
$1.00 that was the price.
That wasn't my complaint to Gary about being overcharged.
Now get this.
Gary slipped up and told me someone had gave him the bag of Tootsie roll pops.
So it seems Gary overcharged me $3.00 for a bag of candy someone had given him for free!
I could tell more tales of Gary but won't.He has promised to make retribution for conning me who he calls his brother by buying me a big box of Cheezit's which I love.
That was 6 months ago.
Still no Cheezit's.
This morning I told him that I would most likely be dead in the grave by the time he bought those Cheezit's and just sprinkle them on my grave.
We shall see Gary Seymore Jenkins.
Don't let him know but life around here would be dull without him.

Signs it's going to be a bad day:

Signs it's going to be a bad day:
1.The Men in Black want to ask you a few questions.
2.Your Doctor turns pale and says UH OH !
3.The butter slides off your biscuit.
4.You answer the door and someone says I'm from the government and here to help you.
5.Anything to do with the IRS,DEA,FBI,CIA,TSO,LPD,GSP and all those other 3 letter agencies.
6.This is where you get to participate fill in your own signs of  it's going to be a bad day.
7.Looking out your window and the yard is full of satellite news trucks and reporters.
8.The Publisher House Prize Patrol came by and you where not home.
9.Snow in June-yeah scary huh?
10.This has nothing to do with the subject but do you know what the last words of a redneck are?
Watch this!

Put it in a bottle

Someone brought me sausage casserole and biscuits with gravy yesterday.

Needless to say I enjoyed it.

That meal filled me up and lasted all day.

One thing about biscuits and gravy it always puts me into a deep peaceful sleep.

Whatever causes that I wish it could be put into a bottle.

Oh by the way.Yesterday I was weighed.160.4 pounds down from 161 of last month.

Yah me I'm eating my self skinny.

Bring on more biscuits and gravy.