Rather be there...

Wishful thinking

Pound of fried black peppered thick slice bacon.
2 fried just right eggs.
Pan of homemade hot biscuits.
Pot full buttered salted and peppered grits.
Diced fried golden crispy potatoes.
Pot of hot black Folgers coffee.
That would do it for me right now.

Say what ?

FROM ACTUAL TOMBSTONES

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, 
Nova Scotia:
         Here lies
         Ezekial Aikle
         Age 102
         The Good
         Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:
         Ann Mann
         Here lies Ann Mann,
         Who lived an old maid
         But died an old Mann.
         Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
         Anna Wallace
         The children of Israel wanted bread
         And the Lord sent them manna,
         Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
         And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
         Here lies
         Johnny Yeast
         Pardon me
         For not rising.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
         Here lies the body
         of Jonathan Blake
         Stepped on the gas
         Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
         Here lays Butch,
         We planted him raw.
         He was quick on the trigger,
         But slow on the draw.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
         Sacred to the memory of
         my husband John Barnes
         who died January 3, 1803
         His comely young widow, aged 23, has
         many qualifications of a good wife, and
         yearns to be comforted.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
         Sir John Strange
         Here lies an honest lawyer,
         And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
         I was somebody.
         Who, is no business
         Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, 
Arizona in the
cowboy days of the 1880's.  He's buried in the Boot Hill 
Cemetery in
Tombstone,
Arizona:
         Here lies Lester Moore
         Four slugs from a .44
         No Les No Moore.

In a Georgia cemetery:
         "I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
         Reader if cash thou art
         In want of any
         Dig 4 feet deep
         And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, 
Virginia:
         She always said her feet were killing her
         but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
         On the 22nd of June
         Jonathan Fiddle
         Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an 
epitaph that sounds
like something from a Three Stooges movie:
         Here lies the body of our Anna
         Done to death by a banana
         It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
         But the skin of the thing that made her go.

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, 
England:
         Gone away
         Owin' more
         Than he could pay.

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
         In Memory of Beza Wood
         Departed this life
         Nov. 2, 1837
         Aged 45 yrs.
         Here lies one Wood
         Enclosed in wood
         One Wood
         Within another.
         The outer wood
         Is very good:
         We cannot praise
         The other.

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
         Under the sod and under the trees
         Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
         He is not here, there's only the pod:
         Pease shelled out and went to God.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a 
consumer tip:
         Who was fatally burned
         March 21, 1870
         by the explosion of a lamp
         filled with "R.E. Danforth's
         Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Oops!  Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
         Born 1903--Died 1942
         Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
         the car was on the way down.  It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
         Here lies an Atheist
         All dressed up
         And no place to go.

And two I will never forget!
For a Scot:

Here lies Martin Elginbrod,
Hae mercy on my soul Lord God,
as I would do were I Lord God,
and ye were Martin Elginbrod!

or:

Here lies my wife.
Tears cannot bring
her back.
Therefore I cry

Caution...

Caution....Some people are not as they seem.