Pray for us

We have decided that there is a stranger,unwanted,evil,stranger in the house.It comes around about 10 pm on some nights.It causes confusion,anger ,mistrust,jealousy just to name a few.I heard a voice,now don't start saying oh yeah now I get it,I really did hear it.It wasn't an audible voice but I heard id just the same.Before you judge and say the boy is wacky just let me finish.The voice said 'THE DEVIL IS IN THIS HOUSE",those where the words .For a while now ,maybe since the first of the year things have been going down hill.My health and Chris's health have worsen.Our relationship with each other has faded some what.Every one is in a bad mood it seems.I have no idea what is going on.Don't think it is a ghost per say but there is something.It seems to be not as strong as before.Chris said I wasn't depressed but being oppressed by what ever evil force that is here.I have lived here for 32 years and never noticed anything strange till lately.Chris prayed,she prayed out loud and it seems to be getting better.So maybe that is what is needed,prayer.I'm asking those who read this to remember us,our family in your prayers.

Friends or the lack of

I aint got no friends it seems,on Facebook that is.The ones I do have are family members,one is Alaina's beau and that is it.I have the grand total of 7.Hey there is one friend of mind T.C.,Topcat,or just Terry.It's no big deal.So JohnLee ain't the most popular kid on the block.The only reason I joined was because of the kids.Yep so I could keep up with what they where doing.They walk around with cell phones stuck to their ears or tapping out text messages with fingers from the time they get up till they fall asleep.You know what I have been thinking of getting one also. They do look like something from the future like Star Trek pocket communicators or something.Sitting on the porch I noticed every car that came by the driver had a cell phone stuck to their ear.And those walking up and down the street had one.I wonder what every one is talking about?Just my luck I don't have anything to say.

Old Guy

It's official.Now I qualify.I am old.58 yep I say again 58 years old.The girls call me old man,butt head was nice but old man?It's okay I don't really mind anymore.I have nothing to prove.Old and gray,slow as a turtle,mean as a snake Cami just said,oh yeah blind as a bat,deaf as a rock dumb as a tree,gee you can tell Cami is helping me describe my self oh yeah her loving enduring word for me is idiot.Your an idiot she says with love I think anyway.Well I just got a compliment from Cami that I smell good so she is now buttering me up for something.

Hot&Cold

Ok what shall I do today.It's way to hot for anything outside,dang temps near 100degs and what ever the heat index is I have no idea.Heat index windchill those are new terms that people use today.If it's hot it's just that hot same way with cold.So no need to fancy up the temperature with some new fangled word.I will admit that hot weather doesn't bother me that much,I rarely sweat and that is bad I've heard.Only time hot muggy weather bothers me is when trying to sleep and you can't because it's so uncomfortable.A few years ago during an ice storm power was lost for a few days.No heat and boy did it get cold.Laying in bed covered with blankets,my coat and wearing a hat I could not get warm.I dreaded having to get up.I missed all the modern convinces,most of all hot coffee.I got tired of tuna fish and peanut butter sandwiches and no not togather but seperate,I'm strange but even I would'nt do that.I missed TV,computers,lights,hot food and that wonderful sound of the central heat coming on.Yeah I'm just a big spoiled baby.

Trust

Monday Monday can't trust that day the song goes.Trust is what I will do for now on.It is the basic requirement of a relationship.Trust in God.Trust in my family.There is an old saying"I'm from the government and here to help you"now I'm not going to let this trust thing get that far out of line.Trust and honesty is what I want in this life.I will trust and I will be honest.

Ice cream,chili,mustard and beards

Ice cream cone and hot weather.The two don't mix.The ice cream melts and will ruin your simple white tshirt.Plus if you have a beard like me there is no dignified way to eat an ice cream cone,same way with a chili dog.I have smarten up some lately.When eating hot dogs I always wear an old shirt cause mustard will ruin a tshirt.I didn't know till recently that mustard was a dye and that is why it won't wash out.Ok I'm through with my cone and through writing for today.

Kugleburg Welander Syndrome

I don't think this has been mentioned but once in my blog.I was born with an neurological problem called Kugleberg Welander Syndrome.KWS for short.I started noticing it when I was about 12 years old.I would stumble and fall.Running was difficult and most likely I would fall.As time went on walking up steps and getting up from chairs where difficult.I really never took it so serious or did I feel sorry for myself saying things like why me what did I do to deserve this.Just wasn't my style.At time s it was just a hassle dealing with it and it did hold me back from doing things I wanted to do.It is an inherited disease,both parents must carry the gene.My uncle JD,Daddy's brother had it and was dead by 40.So here I am at age 58,my left arm and leg don't work right but pain is minimal.I think maybe that is arthritis.After a some what nasty fall and ending up with a blackeye and goose egg on my forehead Chris said maybe it was time I got some help.So for the past few years I have been using a powerchair.It sure makes getting around easier and the risk of falling is now zero.So this is what I'm writing about today.

Closed doors

Closed doors,closed hearts.A closed door means many thing.Closed doors hide what you don't want others to know.Closed doors shut out what you don't want to face.Closed doors mean leave me alone..Closed doors say many things without saying a word.Closed doors hurt.

Momma is free

Momma retired a few months before her 65th birthday.She said she was having trouble running her job.I think Daddy getting sick had lots to do with her getting sick,all that stress.Momma had Alzheimer's.It did not strike me something was wrong till one Sunday we where sitting in the drive thru of a fast food place.Out of the blue Momma said"I have caught cancer from your Daddy".After laughing to myself it hit me she was serious.I tried tell her that cancer could not be spread from person to another but it was no use.I started noticing small things like she could not balance her check book which she kept losing,thank goodness we always found it.She could not pay bills any more,she would get confused and aggravated.Then she would say things so outrageous it was almost funny.So and so said this so and so did that.A few years pass and things aren't funny.She cries her self asleep each night wanting her parents.She is now a little girl.I say Momma and she smiles saying "why are you calling me Momma?I have never been married or have children she would say.There is a condition called sundowning.People with dementia become more agitated as night time nears closer.That is when being a caretaker becomes unbearable at times.Many a night would go sleepless when she would walk the floors calling her parents.We had one good night togather before she went to the hospital.She laughed and ate popciciles she even remembered my name.That was a Saturday night,Monday I had to call an ambulance for her.I knew it was the end.For a week she was in the hospital.Then 21 days at hospice.She had been holding my hand,never speaking,but she squeezed my hand like she knew I was there.I looked up and Momma took a long breath.It was over.Momma was now free.

Father and Son

I was 12 years old the first time me and Daddy went to a dirt track stock car race.From that moment we where hooked.Some Dad's take their son hunting or fishing but our thing to gather was going to races.On Wednesday nights we went to practice,on Friday it was races,same on Saturday night and Sunday.yep we spent a lot of time traveling around Georgia and Alabama on weekends going to the races.Most of the time there would be a car load of us kids and Daddy.Daddy took me hunting twice.Once when I was about 7 I think.It was fall of the year and we where sitting leaned up against a tree.Out of the corner of my eye I seen a snake,it's tongue flickering a few feet from us slithering toward us.I said Daddy there is a snake,that was enough,he out ran me back to the car,leaving me trailing him and to top it off he had the gun.Once we where fishing in the Chattahoochee river,on the banks,my uncle was on rocks in the middle of the river.Anyway something was on my line,it was big,to my surprise Daddy jumped into the river,water up to his chest to get what ever was on my line,to his and my disappointment it was only a sucker fish not a big bass or catfish Daddy had thought it was.So that brings me back to races.That was what we both enjoyed and that is where we bonded as Father and Son.

Storms

It's Monday.Rain and thunder which is great because it has been so hot and muggy lately.One of my favorite things to do is sitting on the screened in back porch on a summer night during a thunder storm.From the porch I have a clear view of the northern sky.Being over the tree tops I can see lighting miles away.Storms have never bothered me.When I worked at the water filter plant for a local mill at times during a storm it would be real interesting.The pumps where located at the river and during a storm the control panel would light up like a Christmas tree with bells a ringing.If the pump shut down I would have to drive over to the mill and put them on city water.Standing at the bottom of a hundred foot water tower with lightning popping around my head didn't phase me a bit.In 1995 my first and only hurricane came through town.It was Hurricane Opal.It was about 9pm when it hit here,I was in bed already with the window up in my bedroom.The wind was howling and trees,power poles came down like match sticks.But silly me I just rolled over and went to sleep.Power was out for a week.I almost burnt the house down.I had left a candle burning inside a tin can.I awoke later that night with alarm ringing,I thought power had came back on and it was the microwave beeping. I was wrong it was the smoke alarms,the candle inside the can had melted the candle holder and was smoking up the kitchen.I was lucky or my guardian Angel was with me that night.

Things about me that are just plain out wrong and bad

About me, things I try to hide.I'm insecure,always have been.It should be against the law to raise a child with no siblings.I wanted that so bad and have missed out on something special.The insecurity has gotten in my way many times.It has destroyed relationships with women.I take every thing to heart,or wrong sometimes.I never meant to hurt people but I know I do.I'm scared alot .And when I say what people say about me doesn't mean nothing to me is a lie.I do care.Which I could get that tough skin some have.I have changed so much lately,I don't know what it is.My kids I never in my life been mad or angry with them and that is God's truth.I will admit at times I do get disappointed cause they are capable of doing so much better.And my better half,I have been a hypocrite at times that double standard thing.I'm guilty of being jealous at times,that is wrong and I'm sorry for it.I can get moody to the point of embarrassing myself.So,my excuse for all this?I have none other than just being human at times.I'm asking the world and all those involved to forgive me,look over my mistakes and give me a day cause usually I'm over them moods then.

Lint Heads

They had names for people like us.The most common word they used was lint head.It came from working in the cotton mills and having lint in your head.My folks would use an air house before leaving their shift but always would be some left.Strange thing but working in the mills feed most everyone direct or indirectly.If you had a business of some sort and you dealt with the public most likely the majority of your trade came from us mill folk.So the professional folk,trade and service type where living off the mills also.When I was a kid the mill was just about the only thing in town where you could get a job.After WW2 my Dad ended up here for some reason and worked in the mill.The only other job I know of that Momma had beside the mill was working as a cashier at a dry cleaners,which by the way is still in business.Houses where provided for the workers and their families.I heard the rent was based on how many rooms in the house.I have lived in many mill houses it seems.It was called a Mill Village.At 6am each working day the work horn would blow,time for shift change.At times I would have to walk to work with Daddy,every body walked in those days,I would wait In the guard house ,waiting for Momma to come out.So I am a son of a lint head and proud of it,I never missed a meal,always had clothes and shoes.I know people that where raised just like me and They have turned their back on the way they where raised,ashamed to admit they where lint heads I guess.

Strange things but no bumps in the night

I have never been a believer in ghost.Only seen or think I seen one thing in the past that I'm not sure of.As a child I heard some one or some thing calling my name,it sounded like a large group of people calling me.Then once at 21 I was alone one night and a voice that sounded like a woman called my name,it said John one time.I told Momma and she said never answer when someone calls your name,I didn't ask for an explanation.Lately I have noticed some strange things.I felt someone poke me in my back the other night while sitting here.Turning around I expected to see one of the kids but no one was there.Out of the corners of my eye I see things move,things like black shadows that move fast and through walls.Laying in bed alone I have felt the mattress give like some one has layed next to me but no one is there.On a few occasions I have woken to see a woman in a long dress with dark long hair just looking at what was on shelves or on the wall,there is no sound and I fall back to sleep.I ask Chris the next morning what she was looking for that late at night but she said it wasn't her.Strange but none of this stuff I see or feel scares me.I know I'm awake when this happens but I can't explain any of it.

Good mood

Watch out world JohnLee is in a good mood today.Anything is possible ha ha.Flitters for breakfast with butter no less.Now on mind is supper,hamburger helper maybe.Cami is on the couch watching Muray,Alaina is in out like a humingbird going from room to room.I'm listening to old music from the 60's sure thankful for headphones.Chris is in another room watching something.Wish the dog had not chewed upped the pool,the girls would enjoy it on such a hot muggy day here way down south.Cami sez I talk funny,Chris mentions it also but hey I don't notice any accent.I was watching a program on PBS years ago,it was about Irish and Welch imigrants to the U.S,the program was subtitled,strange thing but I disn't need the subtitles cause every word they spoke was perfectly clear to me.Welch settled this part of the country.The Haynes's where from Ireland I think and Grandma Haynes was Cherookee.she was so dark,wiry hair.her kids took after her in looks,I always stuck out like a sore thumb at family get togathers with my tow head and blue eyes,so I took after Momaa,not dark black hair and eyes like my cousins on Daddy's side.Back to the way I talk,at times just to aggrivate people I put on my best southern never seen sunshine cause I live so far out in the boonies accent and say words like winder,doe,flo,zinc cheer.Ok that will do it for now cause my train of thought has been derailed a pretty woman just walked into the room.

It's hot

It is hot,temp is in the 90's still this late in the day.By Thursday triple digit temps for all of the east coast.I remember a few years ago close to a thousand people died in Chicago during a heat wave.Most where elderly.I guess people up there are as prepared for heat like down here people can't handle the snow.I have heard people from New Jersey now living here laugh about the way we Southerners drive in snow.He bragged about what he would and could do in the snow.Well he got his chance cause it did snow.Guess what?He was just as bad like rest of us.Guess he didn't know that down here there is no such thing as snow removal equipment.All that is done is some salt or gravel is spread on the bridges.He always put us down Mr. New Jersey did,every chance he got.Well it's just like that great American Lewis Grizzard once said"if you don't like it here Delta is ready when you are".Well said Mr Grizzard.

Random thoughts of a.............

Hmmm whats new?Whats going on with me?Let's see thinking thinking hmmm.Well today has been ok.At times I was slipping but for the most part it's been a ok day.First off puppy was liberated from doggie jail.He escaped Friday but was captured by the roving dog cops.Think Chris thought he was gone,vamossed,never to be seen by us again.Came a pretty good thunderstorm,man the wind did blow.I seen that ugly tree in the yard sway back and forth.It was moving from the base to top of the tree.That can't be good.That brings me to right now.It's Saturday night still light outside.Fireflies have been here for a few days now.My Birthday will be here soon.Seems like I should still be 8 years old running up down Juniper street instead of being almost 58 years old.Where did the years ago?I can hear in my head that song My Uncle Eugene sanged"Wasted Years".Not all my years have been wasted.But could have made better use of them I think.The 7 years looking after Momma where not wasted.Those years could turn out being my most honorable.I kept my promise by keeping Momma home not taking the easy way out by putting her into a home.Sure it was hard,down right unbearable at times but I made it.Keeping Daddy home till the end was another thing I am proud of.They both suffered so much,Daddy with pain,Momma with mental anguish.So here I sit in my rolling chair ha ha ha.Yep I'm a cripple,geek,spatz,freak whatever you want to call me.So I can't stand or walk big deal,lots of folks worse off.I do get aggravated cause I have to have help doing things.At times I feel like a burden and that sucks,yeah it does,my pride I guess.What am I good at?Hmm,taking a long honest look at my self now.......wait wait.Dang I won't say .Maybe I have nothing I am good at.As the Elephant Man said"I'M A MAN" ha ha ha.Going on 9pm,in bed most nights before this.About sleeping,it's been a chore recently.Never in my life have I had trouble sleeping but now days or is that nights I do.Don't know why.When Momma was sick I missed sleep so much.She would be up days at a time,she didn't sleep very well and I couldn't sleep unless she was.One night she let the cat out and while I was getting Sam in she went out the front door to the neighbors house.There is a strange man in my house she told Raymond the neighbor.Next day dead bolts where added to the doors and the key kept in my pocket at all times.I have that uneasy feeling again and I hate it.It makes me so sad and the feeling of no hope is almost unbearable.Why,why,why I think.I will just live with it nothing else to do I guess.Is it just me?I don't know.But it hurts and that is all on that subject

Eyes

Eyes staring, eyes smiling, eyes crying,eyes laughing.Eyes can't lie about what we are really feeling what we are thinking.That is why sunglasses are worn, to keep out the sun but also to hide what we are really thinking.Eyes are windows to our souls I hear.Wonder what my eyes tell about me,other than being blue and bloodshot

Words

I am listening to an old song on internet radio as I sit here thinking.Turn turn turn by the Byrds.In my old age I listen to the words of songs closer.I hear the pain of others who wrote the songs.In my younger days never payed attention much to words.Silly but words can have such a powerful effect on our life.Tone of some one's voice can set up how your day will go.A harsh word or cruel word can hurt worse than a 2x4 upside your head.A happy loving word can raise you up from a low depressing place you have created for your self.So a myth has been proved wrong.Sticks and stones may break my bones yes but words will never hurt me oh how wrong,words can kill.

Me the kids and Jerry

Alaina and Cami have got me watching Jerry Springer.I use to think why would any one watch this stuff but now I'm hooked it seems.

It makes our house look so normal.Really it is therapy I think.And I'm serious ,me and the kids are gonna get tickets and travel to NYC and see Jerry.
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I just hope we are in the audience and not on the stage

Dog and Cats

Just sitting here by myself every one else is gone.The cats are company and Little Bit the dog is sitting at my feet.That means one thing,it will storm today.He is scared of thunderstorms and stays close to us humans when thunder,lighting and storms come in.He might be a living weather barometer,how he senses it I don't know.Could be his old age maybe arthritis he has acts up.Anyway Just me the dog and the cats here keeping the house occupied.

Daddy

I guess it's cause I'm getting older but lately I have been thinking alot about life.It is way to short.When My Daddy was laying on his death bed he made the comment that every one wants to live long as they can.After he died the first dream I had of him went like this,I was driving and driving and driving the old Caddy,I was lost or something,then I seen Daddy,he was leaning up against a car or truck or whatever,he was so young maybe in his 30's and smiling.After that I started healing with my grief,I think Daddy was telling his Hossfly that every thing was ok and stop the grieving and get on with my life.I miss you Daddy.

Summer

Barefooted was the norm during my summers as a kid.I remember the hot pavement scorching the soles of my feet.Summer meant getting a coupon from the Coca Cola company on your birthday for 2 free cokes at the store of your choice.The smells of summer like Honeysuckle and Formosa trees filing the night air.Crickets and bull frogs serenading you to sleep on a star filled night.No school so you could sleep in late as you wanted.Stay up long as you wanted or could.Friday night on TV channel 5 WAGA TV in Atlanta Bestonk Dooley would host old black-n-white horror movies.Every one had a bike and they would be rode from morning to evening,wow I got exercise back then.Breakfast at Jay McMichels store which would most likely be a bottle of 7up and bag of Fritos.Summer has always been my favorite season.

Redneck

I have heard the term redneck used many times.Often I wonder if whoever is calling someone that really knows what a redneck is.Don't take my word research it yourself.I've know many rednecks,They are hard working God fearing salt of the land people.They are the ones who feed us by growing crops in the field.The term redneck comes from working outside in the blazing heat of summer bearing down on your neck.It's like my Momma always said everyone has to have someone to cut down to make them self look bigger.

Smiling Faces

Smiling faces,hidden agenda.How can one really be sure what is going on in some one's head.Maybe it's best we don't know.I would not want to be a mind reader.Just think,most likely what was heard is not what we wanted.Have you ever felt uneasy when someone smiles too much at you? Doesn't feel sincere does it? "What are they thinking?" I wonder.It would be better just frowning than smiling not meaning it.So people tell me"John smile more" but after thinking about it maybe what I have been doing is best.[

East Newnan

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Jacob Haynes Civil War

Jacob Haynes was my Great grandfather.He was a solider in the Civil War, a member of the 3rd Alabama Infantry Regiment.He was wounded and captured at the battle of Vicksburg,Ms. where he lost of a leg.Why he fought I do not know.He had no slaves or plantation.Maybe he fought because of his pride.Maybe because his family members, his friends where going to fight.I don't think it was because of hate of Union soldiers or for that matter the United States.Could it be that he was really upset about states rights which I think was the real reason for the war.Maybe he had no choice.Grandma Smith told a story of someone who ran away from the army and they came after him.I can't imagine what war is like.Would I run away or be brave and take a stand.Guess war is like a lot of other things,talking is easy but when it comes down to the nitty gritty can you back up your words.

Grandpa Haynes

Grandpa Haynes was on his death bed.I was 3 years old and living in Roanoke,Al.I remember him sitting at the kitchen table eating peaches and cream for breakfast.He was a tall slender man with gray hair and he always wore jeans or overalls with a white long sleeve shirt and brogan shoes.He had hunting dogs,2 females.I found puppies under a building in the yard but no one would believe me, the real reason was Grandpa had said for his dogs to be kept up so there would be no puppies.Being 3 years old I told everyone who would listen including Grandpa about the puppies.Finally someone took apart side of the building and retrieved the puppies.Before he died my Daddy and uncle Lavert would take him out to hear his dogs run one more time.I went also.In a chair on top of a coal pile they carried him,it was night and they let his dogs loose.That was the last time he went hunting.He had a great sense of humor and never met a stranger I have been told.Once at a mill where corn was ground into meal Grandpa and my uncle made me ride a billy goat.All I remember was being thrown off and loosing my shoe.Grandpa thought it was funny But Daddy wasn't so amused.One of his daughters asked him on his death bed"Pa who do you want to leave your car to"Grandpa answered "leave it to my girlfriend".About his car someone told him it was skipping and he said"yeah,skip on down the road".He was a moonshiner I have heard,one night he came home on a wagon with a sack full of money and a bullet wound to his face.A few days later at the breakfast table he spit out the bullet which had lodged in the roof of his mouth.I heard many tales about Grandpa and I loved him so.I lost him at 3 but he will always be in my memories.His name was Lee Anderson Haynes.