Random thoughts of a.............

Hmmm whats new?Whats going on with me?Let's see thinking thinking hmmm.Well today has been ok.At times I was slipping but for the most part it's been a ok day.First off puppy was liberated from doggie jail.He escaped Friday but was captured by the roving dog cops.Think Chris thought he was gone,vamossed,never to be seen by us again.Came a pretty good thunderstorm,man the wind did blow.I seen that ugly tree in the yard sway back and forth.It was moving from the base to top of the tree.That can't be good.That brings me to right now.It's Saturday night still light outside.Fireflies have been here for a few days now.My Birthday will be here soon.Seems like I should still be 8 years old running up down Juniper street instead of being almost 58 years old.Where did the years ago?I can hear in my head that song My Uncle Eugene sanged"Wasted Years".Not all my years have been wasted.But could have made better use of them I think.The 7 years looking after Momma where not wasted.Those years could turn out being my most honorable.I kept my promise by keeping Momma home not taking the easy way out by putting her into a home.Sure it was hard,down right unbearable at times but I made it.Keeping Daddy home till the end was another thing I am proud of.They both suffered so much,Daddy with pain,Momma with mental anguish.So here I sit in my rolling chair ha ha ha.Yep I'm a cripple,geek,spatz,freak whatever you want to call me.So I can't stand or walk big deal,lots of folks worse off.I do get aggravated cause I have to have help doing things.At times I feel like a burden and that sucks,yeah it does,my pride I guess.What am I good at?Hmm,taking a long honest look at my self now.......wait wait.Dang I won't say .Maybe I have nothing I am good at.As the Elephant Man said"I'M A MAN" ha ha ha.Going on 9pm,in bed most nights before this.About sleeping,it's been a chore recently.Never in my life have I had trouble sleeping but now days or is that nights I do.Don't know why.When Momma was sick I missed sleep so much.She would be up days at a time,she didn't sleep very well and I couldn't sleep unless she was.One night she let the cat out and while I was getting Sam in she went out the front door to the neighbors house.There is a strange man in my house she told Raymond the neighbor.Next day dead bolts where added to the doors and the key kept in my pocket at all times.I have that uneasy feeling again and I hate it.It makes me so sad and the feeling of no hope is almost unbearable.Why,why,why I think.I will just live with it nothing else to do I guess.Is it just me?I don't know.But it hurts and that is all on that subject