Easily irked

Forgive me Lord but on this last day of 2013 I find myself easily irked.

Didn't see’em but sure did hear’em a visitor down the hall.

Loud talking and using that word that peeves me off every time I hear it spoke.

The H word.

Each time the H word was spoken by loud talking visitor I quenched in agony as if I had been stabbed in the back with a sharp #2 yellow pencil.

Sometimes I think the visitors and residents have the situation switched if you know what I’m talking about.

Back to the H word for some reason it always makes me cringe.

That word is…HUH!…spoken after every question they are asked.

Turn up the volume on your hearing aid or do as George Bush 1 said"read my lips".

Yes Lord forgive me for being so trivial.

Wait I must confess!

I caught myself using said dreaded word.

I'm a hypocrite.

For you elderly people reading this you might remember Emily Litella(Gilda Radner) from SNL who always got things confused and would say "never mind".

As she said...never mind.

It's a job

Black eyed peas
Some collard greens
Cornbread mashed potatoes
Know what'a mean

Hot apple pie
Smothered with butter
Sweet iced tea
Made like Mother's

Corn on cob
Battered fried okra
Cooking all this
It's a job

Congealed green salad
Sliced pear halves
Mayo cheese cherry
Makes me merry

Fruit cake delight
Made with rum
Nuts jellied candy
That's a sight

Made myself hungry
Hope you to
Guess I'm through
Happy New Year's you

What....

What was thatttt!

Maybe I don't want to know.

A blood curling scream of pain or terror coming from the pine tree thicket.

Animal?Human?Or?

You go look.

I don't want to end up as a snack for some unknown creature.

There look I see it!

Never mind.

It's just some of my Haynes kin folk from the hills of Alabama coming for a visit.

2014 I shall...

New Year Resolutions:
1.Don't cuss Walker Texas Jr. silently when he rudely takes control of the TV.
2.Don't cuss Walker Texas Jr. silently when he fusses with the old folks who can't find their room.
3.Don't cuss Walker Texas Jr. silently when he turns his radio on full blast at night.
4.Send WGN TV a thank you email for changing the time they show Walker Texas Ranger...I won't be up that early and will miss it yesssss!
5.Learn to like chicken,chicken legs baked,chicken legs fried,chicken pot pie,chicken goulash for lack of a better word,chicken legs smothered in gravy least I think it's gravy.
6.Steamed carrots and broccoli ...no way Hosea ain't touching that stuff.
7.Take up smoking and drinking.
8.Just testing if you are paying attention with #7.
9.Try being a cool person instead of the redneck I am.
10.Last but not least tell you happy 2014 and I love you!

Why the chicken crossed the road

Someone must have invested in chicken and carrots heavy at WGHS.

For 8 days chicken was on the menu in some sort of way or fashion.

Carrots,steamed carrots are served almost daily.They get creative on how they are served.Sometimes you have to look for them cause they are hid but carrots will be there.

Wish I had not read my breakfast menu.

There it was in black and white.

Chicken bacon.

So that's why the chicken crossed the road.

To get off the menu at WGHS!

Understand now

Oh I understand now.

You can express your opinion but I can only do the same if you agree with me.

Thanks for the explanation.

Surprise

It’s true.

Careful what you wish for.

This morning thinking that sausage with my biscuit would be a nice change for breakfast.

As Gomer Pyle would say “surprise surprise surprise”.

The sausage patty I got.

But no biscuit.

Learn to use a broom

Hungry kid?

Want something to eat at school?

Can't pay for your school meal you say?

Here is a broom sweep the floors for that free meal.

That's what a Georgia Republican congressman wants those po youngins to do.

Shame shame shame.

Why are you Republicans dead set on hurting the people who can least afford it?

Grandma,Grandpa scare them by saying they are going to lose their Social Security that they worked for,the kid down the street who is hungry cut those food stamps,your neighbor who is disabled deny their disability,veterans who you lie to about how they will be took care of for the sacrifice they made for this great country. Yeah those are the folks you pick on.To you they don't matter.

Let's give taxpayer money away to those countries that could care less about us or bail General Motors and Chrysler's out along with big banks.Those are the people you Mr and Ms politician work for.

So Mr and Ms politician here's your broom if voters have any sense you will be needing it on your next job.

I'm not mad just ashamed.

Sometimes

A bird,alone,flying one direction,turning and flying the way it came.

Lost it seemed.

I get that feeling sometimes.

Some people

Some people make me feel........ normal.

Yes Mr B there is a Santa

Mr B one of my roomies,96 years old,blind,paralyzed from a stroke
and myself were talking this morning about Christmas.

One more week Mr B till Christmas .

He was reminiscing about Christmas past when he was a boy.I got tennis shoes,hats,apples and oranges back then he said.

Those were the good Christmases.

Then there was when his Dad died on Christmas day in 1951.

Those were the sad Christmases.

Santa will never come see me again Mr B told me this morning.

Never say never Mr B.

Santa did come around tonight,all fat and jolly in his red suit saying ho ho ho and Mr B did get to see Santa one more time.

Here's to many more Mr B !

Ashamed

I'm ashamed.

Ashamed of my fellow human beings this morning.

Ashamed of the way they talk to people with obvious dementia.

If you are having a bad day or don't have the paientence for the job please make it more pleasant for us,them and just move along.

Light in the sky

This morning laying here in bed I was awaken by the flashing strobe light of a Troup County school bus at the bus stop in front of my window.

7 am every morning like clock work it stops.

But that wasn't the light that got my attention.

In my groggy eyes I seen another bright light a street light I thought but thinking to myself there is no street light.

Big and moving in the western sky slow sleepy me figured it out.

A full moon.

Beautiful.

Hey

Santa said hey ya'll !

Hunting

A hunting we go...hunting we go...hi o the merry o a hunting we go.

Seems there is a new creature out there a flying one that people are hunting.

Have you heard about this crusader in the air thing?

If you shoot one down be prepared maybe for federal prosecution.

I bet these winged things ain't the best of eating but a new law written by a citizen wants hunters to be able to keep body parts of the downed creatures.

But some of the parts you can't keep I  guess for safety reasons.

Can you guess what winged flying creature thing I'm talking about?

Drones.

Yes those drones the government is flying around in our neighborhoods for what reason I can't say.

Maybe it's that bear in the air eye in the sky thing like CW McCall sung about in that song Convoy.

What ever the reason them drones flying around I  guess it's for the best.Protecting us from something I'm sure.

Just be careful when hunting drones,unlike deer,they can shoot back.

It wasn't communion

Laying here breathing like a puppy dog who is mad at something.That is what it sounds like growling.

Something is going through the old folks home.

Lot's are coming down with it.

I'm just about over my little escapade of it.

It started Tuesday night after my shower.Sleep was impossible and when morning came around I knew it was here.

Scratchy throat,coughing and sneezing.

Another sleepless night then Thursday I started on that awful tasting cough syrup and each time the nurse brought it around in that little shot glass it looked liked wine and I wanted to ask for crackers cause I thought it was communion we where going to have.

Guess it worked but on Friday I threw up a couple times after breaking out in a cold sweat after drinking that stuff so no more of that I took.

Saturday was good sorta Sunday better so I'm good thank you.

Friday you know I was feeling bad because I sent supper back just thinking of food made me queasy.

So there you have my weekend and I sure hope that bug skips you and yours this Holiday season.

Rain

Rain all day
Fall it may
But for me
It is okay

Conspiracy

Why had I not thought of this before...the reason chicken is on the menu so much...a cow conspiracy.

Everyone knows except Mikey

I see where they messed up.

Watching a movie about a family that is having a bit of bad luck.

The house!

It was that multi story old house sitting on a hill out in an isolated area.

Anyone who has ever seen a horror movie knows a place like that has to be evil.No need for the sound effects of rain,thunder and howling dogs to warn you.

I have always been wary of any house with an attic or basement.

Everyone knows that's where the bad things happen.

Send Mikey down into the dark,musty damp basement.We all know something is hiding,waiting and is going to have Mikey for a snack.

Why hasn't somebody taken a little time out of their busy life and taught Mikey to never go down into the basement?

Memory still stings

A small for his age shy super sensitive to words spoken little boy unsure of everything.

Me.

That describes my life as a kid.

I think every unkind mean spirited word ever spoken to me is stored in my memory for easy recall.

Why are they saying these things I wondered.

Am I that bad?

During this Christmas season I remember one 55 years or so ago.Grownups who had boys my age told me that Santa wasn't coming to see me because I didn't get a letter from Santa like their boys.

Over the years I've wondered what was the purpose in saying that to a little kid.

If they wanted to hurt me they succeeded.

The memory of that still stings.

Walk away

Just walk away
People places things
All the trouble
They do bring

Thank God

Watching documentary about WW2...we might think our lives are not so rosy...least no Nazi concentration camp for us...thank God.

Ba Hum Bug part 2

Not seeing many people with the Christmas spirit.

$6,100

Just heard a Toyota dealership bragging they had 15 Toyota's under $15,000.

I could have bought almost 3 Firebirds for that price back in 1976.Mine cost $6,100.

Scroouge lives

Even I couldn't make this up!

A Republican Governor wants parents to skip buying Christmas presents for their kids this year and send that money to him for his re election campaign.

I always knew some politicians where greedy but seems this guy has Scroougness down pat.

Ba Hum Bug!

See things clearly

I just knew it.

If I lived long enough this day would come.

Heard on an international news agency which will remain nameless this report that makes my heart flutter and skip a beat(no it's not that angina thing acting up) with excitement.

Fried foods like taters, chicken and burgers are good for you.Seems there was a error in this cholesterol scare of the past few years.Cholesterol it seems we need and is good for us.In fact the American people aren't getting enough grease in their diet.

And this diabetic thing is just a ho- ax as Lewis Grizzard would say.We be sweet is ok.Eat more Snickers and Zag Nut candy bars.

Phooey on salads,broccoli and cauliflower.I had the suspicion that healthy eating stuff was just a Communist plot to kill us all anyway.

As I lay here in a no jog mode smoking a cigar working on my second bottle of Jim Beam eating my 4th corn dog I see things so clearly now(well it was clear before I started on the second bottle of Jim).

Yes my fat out of shape Brothers of the round counter stool at Krystal eat a few for me and while we being healthy chili cheese fries sound good but don't forget my diet Dr Pepper don't want to overdo this healthy eating thing.

Sleep

Sleep
My friend
Come soon
Again

Sinner I be

I'm a hypocrite
Sinner I be
Jesus knows me
This is true

I slip fall
From His grace
God does see
Everything and all

Show mercy Lord
You know heart
By your blood
I've been bought

Maybe they are

Something about this just don't feel right.

People on Facebook posting these little things that say share if you love God and Jesus and if you don't something bad will happen to you.I haven't looked but I'm pretty sure God and Jesus are a bit busy with world peace,starving children and helping sick people than worrying about how many likes on Facebook they get.

If they did have a Facebook page I would be there right now instead of wasting my and your time here.

Come to think of it maybe they are on Facebook.

But it's called the Bible.

Are you Southern...

Are you Southern...
Do you drink sweet ice tea through a straw?
Do you eat chicken with a fork?
When thinking of BBQ is it pork only?
Bet you're an Auburn fan now?
It's breakfast dinner and supper right?
Ever sup coffee from a saucer?
Know what Ga Lee means?
Who Minnie Pearl was?
Color of Richard Petty's race car?
What where the Atlanta Crackers?
Know who Bestoink Dooley is?
Officer Don?
Uwee gooey?
3?
Grits or oatmeal?
Know where the Grand Ole Opry is?
Redneck Rivera?
Ever ate a Plum Granny?
Fireworks in Georgia are banned but firing your AR 15 into air on holidays is legal?
Go War Eagles right?

Believe in you

Santa what I want
Big ole Harley
Low fast loud
Stick out in the crowd

Make mine black
Need that sissy seat
That'a be cool
Really sweet

Those black boots
Motorcycle jacket to
Wrote on back
Jesus loves you

Come on Santa
This all ask
You can do
Still believe in you

Bust your bubble

Rudolph the reindeer
Nose so red
Doing that smack
Wonder ain't dead

Frosty the snowman
Melting away
He strung out
Most of day

Old Saint Nick
Working them elves
Treat'em like slaves
He so sick

Had to do
Bust your bubble
Everything I said
It be true

Learn my name

They never know your name
Buddy pal friend
Fake put on
Think a shame

Take the time
Learn my name
Buddy pal friend
It's John Lee Haynes

Oh so sound

Take me away
Into great beyond
When trials troubles
On earth done

Up in sky
Where I be
Rest at last
Want for me

Lay me down
Body of mine
Sleep in peace
Oh so sound

24

24 more days of this.

O woes

O woes is me
Lunch was a bust
Know should be thankful
But burger fries I lust

Chicken something with gravy
Dressing on side
Hard as I tried
That broccoli couldn't hide

A Big Bufford from Checkers
Onion rings
My mouth waters
Thinking of them things

Make it I will
Worry me not
Make it to supper
Pintos me will fill

I was

I was Duck Commander before Duck Commander was cool.

They called us hippies

Call me

Call me redneck
White trash
Know what am
Not trying fool your a..

Like me or not
Do as please
Speaking the truth
Following my roots

Some things done
Plenty I ain't
Judge me
No you can't

Not putting on show
Real as can be
This I know
Going be me

Why Ben is disgusted

For my Christmas day dinner I'm thinking BBQ ribs,baked beans,crinkle cut fries and a Dr Pepper.

Enough already of turkey.

America would have been better off if people had listened to Ben Franklin.

He wanted to name the turkey as our national symbol instead of the eagle.

Ben was tired I bet of eating turkey also so by naming the turkey as our symbol it would be protected like the eagle is today.

If his plan had worked there would be no turkey sausage,bacon,this and that made from turkey.

Yes Ben was a smart man,ahead of his time,I can see it now,the humble turkey as our symbol of peace,honor and bravery.

And I  could get real pork sausage with my biscuit instead of that turkey.

After much study and investigation I've discovered why Ben is frowning and has that look of disgust on his face...he just had a turkey Whopper from BK!

Texas Walker Jr

Auburn Alabama game...several of us old guys sitting around watching...getting exciting now...great football game...few minutes to play...it happened...never fails...Texas Walker Jr...commander of TV remote...starts his afternoon channel surfing...dang!