I feared no evil as I rolled into a room full of Georgia/Alabama football fans yesterday.
Outnumbered, proudly I wore my Auburn Tiger blue and orange T shirt.
I was feed generously with dip and chips and Sprite cola.
Like ole Wild Bill Hickok I chose a table with my back against the wall close to an exit just in case things got out of control when Auburn did their thang.
They even tried to be convert me to an Alabama football fan giving me an Alabama writing tablet.
A good time was had and in closing I leave you with these words...
Here at the OFH a long hall and locking doors separate the North side and the South side of the building.
Those locking swinging doors are like the Mason/Dixion Line.
The South side where I humbly reside is affectionately called the Po side,the Dirty South or as I call it the Projects.
We Be Po is our motto and it's written with a Sharpie pen on a used piece of cardboard and hangs at the entrance of the south side.
Maybe you could call it a you have been warned enter at own risk sign.
Just because it tends to get a little rowdy over here at times there is no reason to shun us.We be just like the North side folks ...well that's not exactly true.
One day I took a trip over to the rich North side just to see if the things my friend Gary J. had told me were true.He told me over there on the snack cart they got chocolate milk,V8 vegetable juice,yogurt and other things we Po side folks never even thought of.
Oh how quiet it was over there on the North side of the building.Little ole ladies sitting around a table discussing politics or reading poems aloud to each other or something I don't know.Being the friendly talky type I said hello Ladies nice day we're having.
Well I know at times I can look unkempt and maybe a little scary but I always wear my Old Spice high endurance deodorant so I won't offend but those little ole Ladies stared and hissed and whispered to each other saying he one of "THEM".
Even my good friend Gary J.shunned me and quickly ducked into his room pretending I was unknown to him as I frantically raised my good arm waving in a gesture of friendliness calling his name loudly.
Yes Dear ones I JohnLee learned a valuable lesson that day.
Stay with people who understand you and think as you do and never try to hob nob with them rich North side folks again.
Over here in the projects is were I belong,were little ole gray headed Ladies cruise around in their chrome and black chariots looking for another victim to throw ice cold water on,someone to fight and fuss with,were there is a constant roar of rowdiness and it don't even have to be a full moon.
Home is were the heart is I have heard.
For me that is the Po side,the Dirty South,the Projects.
Walker is always perfect.Walker is always right.Walker is an expert of everything from flying jet planes to riding man killer bulls.All the women he meets fall in love with Walker cause well he is Walker.
My roomie loves this TV show.He must believe all the hype that Walker is all that.
Bullets bounce off Walker's Dodge truck.Walker takes one shot for one kill with his big ole pistol while the bad guys using automatic Uzis and such spraying him with bullets always miss.
Walker is half Indian and when the purpose suits him goes back in time to be guided by his long dead ancestors.
Other times he has flash backs/dreams or what ever it depends on what Walker is putting in his pipe smoking that day he becomes his alter ego Hays Cooper Texas Ranger.Old timey way back in the day super hero without a cape.
Walker really doesn't need a gun.He can woop a room full of bad guys with his Kung Fu stuff.Pop Blam Slam just like Batman and his sidekick Boy Wonder Robin.Walker has his own sidekick an ex Dallas Cowboy football player named Trivette and everyone knows how I feel about football.
Many times I scream out loud at the TV when Walker is surrounded by a dozen hooligans with 2x4's and tire irons just shoot'em Walker don't Kung Fu'em to death.Maybe Walker is a closet sadist and just likes breaking arms to hear that crunch.
Yes friends as we where sitting around the TV yesterday Walker Texas Ranger came on.
A mystery has struck the old folks home..everyone woke up to the surprise of Oreo cookies on their table...thank you Oreo cookie fairy... please come back soon!
The OFH was getting that way yesterday.Tempers short.Old gray haired Ladies fussing.
The endless wandering by some residents.Rolling rolling rolling in their black and chrome chariots.I get tired just watching them on the move every waking moment.
A resident told of a dream he had comparing this place to the song by the Eagles, Hotel California.Like the song said you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.
Don't you just hate it when people start talking or posting how in love they are with their wife,hubby,girlfriend/boyfriend, mistress or sugar daddy?
When ever I see hear this it makes me wonder.
Is it really that good of a relationship they are having or they trying to convince them self it good and ok or is it just a show and they hope everyone believes they have the perfect relationship.
They need to tell their who ever how much they really love them,keep it to them self.
Seems there is a ribbon for every cause imaginable.
White,pink purple ribbons for all things such as cancer,aids,Alzheimer's on and on.
What color would my ribbon be?
I want a camo colored ribbon to symbolized my redneckness.Us rednecks are people also and we do suffer.
We suffer when the old 4 wheel drive Ford pickup gives up the ghost.We rednecks suffer when deer hunting season is over.Old Bubba the hound gets so old he can't hunt no more we suffer and I want a ribbon so the world knows my suffering.Momma stopped baking biscuits I suffer maybe my ribbon in this case would be made from a White Lily flower sack.I need a ribbon of some sort because I have to eat chicken bacon and turkey sausage.By the way will someone tell me how they take a piece of chicken and make it look like bacon.Maybe somethings are better left unknown.
Yes we rednecks do suffer.So the next time you see one of us just walk up to'em give them a big hug and a say a few kind words like I feel your pain here's your ribbon.
Well the fire alarm has just went off here at the OFH.
Nothing is smelled burning maybe another false alarm.Probably some little old gray haired lady who is bored pull the switch just for devilment.
The fire truck from the station up the road just came in non emergency and left just as quick so that is good news.The fire station is maybe a mile away and when someone here at the OFH is in dire straits they are the first to arrive.
We have a new fire alarm system here and a new sprinkler system.The bell rings and a strobe light blinks on off I guess to warn the hearing impaired.
Not being able to walk fire is a fear of mine.Push come to shove I would roll out of bed and crawl if possible in case of fire.
Ok the coast is clear.I will go back to YouTube and listen to a 8 hour loop of a fan while I watch a lighting storm out to the west.
Maybe that combo will result in peaceful deep sleep.
Fried curly fries today with a BBQ sandwich and get this ,squash I think ,casserole.
The BBQ was so stacked with meat I took half the bun off and ate it like an open face sandwich with a fork.
Now those curly fries.
More please I asked and a bowl of hot fries I had.
Really just a big boy plate of fries would have pleased me just fine.
If you have read this blog before you know I'm a tater junkie.My favorite being crinkle cut fries fried crisp and brown doused with salt and ketchup on the side.
But these taters of today held their own with crinkle cuts.
They have been written on the bottom of a Krystal burger box and safely stored in a secure place at TFH.
Please follow these instructions.
When the time comes and I'm sure it will and I lose what sanity that is left please place me in a comfy rocking chair by the door or window.Occasionally stop by and give me a little push so my rocking will keep rocking.Wipe the drool from my mouth when needed.Please make sure I'm fed Krystal burgers and fries at least 3 times a week with a diet Dr Pepper.And most important keep hitting the replay button on my cassette player every 8 minutes so Stranglehold by Ted Nuget plays 24/7.
Some call it the Old Hag syndrome others sleep paralysis.It is a feeling of not being able to move or breathe.Like someone(the old hag)sitting on your chest.Some see visions or feel an intruder is in the room to harm them when going through these attacks for lack of another word.I see nothing myself only blackness.
It happens at the moment you fall asleep or wake up your half way between the two.
If you can just move a finger or wiggle a toe it can be stopped.
When I was a little kid it was almost a nightly thing for me too have these attacks.Also when I was a kid ,OBE's (out of body)where common for me,it's don't laugh,the feeling of leaving your body and floating around the room.
Thank God these attacks are not common for me now.
Unlike my childhood friends wraslin didn't do anything for me.I never watched it,the names of the wrasslers were unknow to me,I didn't walk around putting folks in wraslin holds and all that other stuff that goes on with wraslin.
Think I went to wraslin matches twice in my life at National Guard Armories.Once when somebody named Davy Crockett was at the armory in Roanoke,Alabama. I was three years old so most likely it wasn't my choice of entertainment at the time.Another time I went voluntarily when I was a teen just to get out of the house.
So I'm not a wraslin fan,period.
Racin is a different story.
That is where me and Daddy spent our weekends together at.It started at age thirteen ,me and Daddy traveling the roads of Georgia on Friday,Saturday and Sunday to the dirt tracks.
I have almost lost interest in racin since Daddy died but will watch one on TV.
But shut my mouth I'm going to tell you a secret.
Football,high school,college and pro sucks.It bores me to the point of I rather go outside and just watch grass grow.
Folks down here will hurt you bad if you dis their team.I mean they will use all them wraslin holds they learn as a kid on you.
The OFH put up a new hummingbird feeder outside my window the other day.The old feeder had a leak so it was no good.
A hummingbird found it and has been feeding constantly every hour it seems.
Strange thing happened.
This morn I seen it hovering at my window looking in.I thought well this little creature is curious about me and in it's own way is giving thanks for the new feeder.
Then I figured out what it was doing.
On my window sill there is a orange butterfly solar powered flower that rocks back and forth.Guess the bird thought it was another source of food.
I was talking with another resident yesterday about family.
Or in the case of some of us the lack of.
I have none really,just in name only.
I know people are busy,got their own life to live and really I'm fine with it if they never come around.
Maybe I'm still holding a grudge about the way most of Momma's and Daddy's kin deserted her when she was suffering that dreaded disease of dementia.
Seven years she suffered and I was the only one there for her.You know many nights sleep was only a word.It sure would have been nice for a helping hand at times,maybe just to sit with her so I could catch a few minutes of sleep not worrying she would wonder off.
A few minutes just to relax would have been precious to me.
Don't think I'm mad cause I'm not.
Seen the same thing happen with my Grandma.People desert you when the going gets rough.
Smile it's ok.
Like my Daddy always said(if they can live with it he could live without it).
So stop your kitchen table judging and gossip you know nothing of me.
I had some where my humble abode was.Both sides and front and back.
Those on the sides were cat haters.They stooped so low as to put traps out to catch them.One's little grandson spilled the beans by saying him and granny were catching cats and taking them to the cat jail.
Lovely people cat haters.Like most folks they can't see the error of their ways.Cat hater neighbor number one had her dog chained to a tree right at my bedroom window.Poor thing(the dog not neighbor howled constantly at night) .But cat hating neighbor number one did her own howling when Saturday night rolled around with her outside parties.
That she beast was responsible for the death of kittens by cat snatching their Momma cat and they starved to death.
Cat hating neighbor number two was a work of humanity herself.I will just leave it there.You might get the idea I am still mad at my cat hating neighbor.Every time I would see her from my incognito observation post the Devil would take over my mild mannered disposition and I couldn't fight the urge to meow a few times as she twisted her neck around like that little girl in the movie The Excorist looking for another victim of her cat hating ways.
Yes cat hating neighbors of LaGrange, as my Aunt Pauline would say(I love everyone but some I just don't like).
The road from Alabama to Georgia changes at the state line.
So do a lot of other things.
Been down that road a few times.Some happy some well.
The last time for me was January 8th 2012 from Roanoke back to LaGrange.For the first time on that short 15 mile ride I noticed a lot of things never seen before.The landscape was dreary,light rain falling,drab and uninviting.
My life was changing.
I felt like those old wore out dogs,the ones with mange being took out on one of those deserted dirt roads and let out.Unwanted,feeling alone,deserted is how those old dogs must have felt.
Pink chicken and no cornbread with my canned collards.
I just can't face another day of this God awful food.Lunch is sitting in front of me and I just can't eat it.Beef on noodles with mushrooms and steamed carrots and a wheat roll that would choke a horse.
I just wonder if the "chef "at the hospital eats their creations?
Things around the OFH have been getting squiggly over a week now.
Tempers are running short.
Nurses and CNA's have that look of desperation on their faces.That look of being lost in despair that look of Lord help me Jesus cause it's the dreaded full moon at the old folks home.
Old gray haired wheelchair bound Ladies fussing with each other.One of my roomies repeating over and over his birthday is Tuesday.Snatching of the TV remote without asking please,may I,do you mind instead it's the Hatti with what you were watching I'm going to be greedy and self centered and watch what I want type thing going on.
There will be moaning groaning screaming like what was heard in the dungeons of the castles during the Spanish Inquisition were poor souls were tortured.Cat like meowing and the occasional dog barking sound will be heard.
Zombies walk the halls of the home at night.When I put on my magical sunglasses I see them(just testing if you're still paying attention I don't really have magical sunglasses,really,you do believe me right?)
Get out of the %#@ @!#$ way will be the word heard today from a crusty old timer who thinks every female in the building is his wife Margret.
Not to change the subject but my CRS is about to kick in so farewell,good luck,Sonora,bye.
Baked meat,frozen vegatables,wheat bread,no salt,no seasoning on and on type of food is boring.
Like I have said before this ain't no health farm.People here are sick/dying least give them a little pleasure in life by letting us eat the type of food we want.
Not much going on and I'm not expecting it to get any livelier.Fact be nothing is going on.Just laying here looking out the window watching the world pass by.
I have proof that the food portions here at the OFH are getting smaller.For supper tonight we had hot wings.The menu slip said 5 pieces hot wings but only 3 were on my plate.
I've noticed that lately.Smaller portions and missing items.
Could it be the budget is being cut by minimizing on food?
It just might be me but the food portions at lunch and supper seem to be getting smaller.
Take lunch today one hot dog,bag of those awful baked chips and what was called cheese cake pudding.
Where is the tater tots and baked beans?
That would be a filling meal for fat boys like me.
Sure I could have asked for another dog but that's not the point.The point being is food is about all we got going for us at the old folks home least for me.Give me what I want and enough to fill me up and not still be hungry after just eating.
I don't think that is being unreasonable.
Supper was a small slice of roast beef with gravy(good by the way)wheat roll sliced red potatoes(6)that was not done enough or seasoned with anything and the every present steamed carrots and chocolate sugar free pudding.
I ate just the beef,roll and pudding and was still hungry.
And when did onions become extinct?I for one want them on my burger and hot dog call me strange and outrageous if you want.And what's the deal with this what is called baby bakers(little bitty baked potatoes) with our burgers?What happened to that All American side dish of french fries and onion rings I wonder.
Hey I'm 62 years old,semi intelligent,fully grown and know what I like to eat and how much.
Treat me as an adult and give me a say in what I eat.
I feared no evil as I rolled into a room full of Georgia/Alabama football fans yesterday.
