Can’t sleep.Might as well stay up till I can’t hold my eyes open.12:30 am.Saturday already.Don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight.Not sick or hurting but something is not right.Wish I had a big foam cup full of coffee.Lately I have been adding sweetener to my coffee.At times some cream.l always had my coffee black.I use to dislike McDonalds coffee cause it tasted burnt to me but now I think it’s a good cup of coffee.The heater is on in the bedroom.Bear the cat is laying in front of it.I keep getting rushes of sadness.Washing over me like the ocean waves.Might be something going on in my body.Maybe sugar is high but sticking me with those lancets hurts.Fingers do get sore.So not going to use the glucose meter.Bet that is what's going on because my mouth is dry as cotton and I’m so thirsty.I feel shaky also.Getting cooler to me.I’m not overly worried about anything.Concerned yes but worried no.I will put everything in Jesus’s hand and let him take care of it all.I do feel like a hypocrite at times.I don’t think at times I’m a very good person.No I haven’t murdered anyone or robbed a bank. It’s just I don’t act Christ like 100% of the time.That bothers me.Better being hot or cold the Bible said.Lukewarm he will spew you out.I think lukewarm describes me at times.Oh well.I know Jesus died for my sins and he rose from the dead.I was reading.At the last supper when it was over Jesus went out and fell to his face praying.He did not not want to die.But he had to for us and to wash away our sins.Often I picture Jesus in my mind and all he went through for people like me.At times I feel so unworthy of his love.I hear the sound of the train whistle.I like that so think I will try sleep and just listen to it and the humming of the heater.
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