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FROM ACTUAL TOMBSTONES

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, 
Nova Scotia:
         Here lies
         Ezekial Aikle
         Age 102
         The Good
         Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:
         Ann Mann
         Here lies Ann Mann,
         Who lived an old maid
         But died an old Mann.
         Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
         Anna Wallace
         The children of Israel wanted bread
         And the Lord sent them manna,
         Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
         And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
         Here lies
         Johnny Yeast
         Pardon me
         For not rising.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
         Here lies the body
         of Jonathan Blake
         Stepped on the gas
         Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
         Here lays Butch,
         We planted him raw.
         He was quick on the trigger,
         But slow on the draw.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
         Sacred to the memory of
         my husband John Barnes
         who died January 3, 1803
         His comely young widow, aged 23, has
         many qualifications of a good wife, and
         yearns to be comforted.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
         Sir John Strange
         Here lies an honest lawyer,
         And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
         I was somebody.
         Who, is no business
         Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, 
Arizona in the
cowboy days of the 1880's.  He's buried in the Boot Hill 
Cemetery in
Tombstone,
Arizona:
         Here lies Lester Moore
         Four slugs from a .44
         No Les No Moore.

In a Georgia cemetery:
         "I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
         Reader if cash thou art
         In want of any
         Dig 4 feet deep
         And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, 
Virginia:
         She always said her feet were killing her
         but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
         On the 22nd of June
         Jonathan Fiddle
         Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an 
epitaph that sounds
like something from a Three Stooges movie:
         Here lies the body of our Anna
         Done to death by a banana
         It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
         But the skin of the thing that made her go.

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, 
England:
         Gone away
         Owin' more
         Than he could pay.

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
         In Memory of Beza Wood
         Departed this life
         Nov. 2, 1837
         Aged 45 yrs.
         Here lies one Wood
         Enclosed in wood
         One Wood
         Within another.
         The outer wood
         Is very good:
         We cannot praise
         The other.

On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
         Under the sod and under the trees
         Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
         He is not here, there's only the pod:
         Pease shelled out and went to God.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a 
consumer tip:
         Who was fatally burned
         March 21, 1870
         by the explosion of a lamp
         filled with "R.E. Danforth's
         Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Oops!  Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
         Born 1903--Died 1942
         Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
         the car was on the way down.  It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
         Here lies an Atheist
         All dressed up
         And no place to go.

And two I will never forget!
For a Scot:

Here lies Martin Elginbrod,
Hae mercy on my soul Lord God,
as I would do were I Lord God,
and ye were Martin Elginbrod!

or:

Here lies my wife.
Tears cannot bring
her back.
Therefore I cry