Old folks and drugs

The Bible said to drink a little wine for thou stomachs sake.

Now why don't we follow rules the Bible has set forth?

I think that instead of loading us old folks up with these high power drugs that have all these awful side effects give us all a little glass of wine before bedtime some folks maybe would need two glasses to relax and get everyone in a happy mood.

While pouring our drinks how about a little smoke of that medical marijuana for our bad eyes and aching joints.

Natural medications instead of those synthetic man made killer drugs that the big pharmaceutical companies say we should take.

 Come on now wouldn't you rather see Grandma and Grandpa dancing around having a bit of fun and being happy instead of having that dead fish stare in their eyes?

Catastrophe at old folks home

A catastrophe at the old folks home was avoided today.

Seems some of the residents here took a trip to Burger King for Whoppers and fries on the bus borrowed from our big sister nursing home across town.

All goes well till the return trip back.Seems the remote hand control for the wheelchair lift was left dangling outside of the bus according to our on the spot reporter rendering it un usable.

Those on wheelchairs were trapped on the bus and had to be rescued. From my understanding there were a few tense moments among the trappees.

Gary J in his big power chair was one of the trappees and our reporter on the spot has of yet not had a chance to interview him yet getting his first hand impression of the event.

From my understanding all were rescued.

Our on the spot reporter with their box of crayons and a piece of scrap paper renders this photo of the scene.

The good the bad

Car bursts into flames after wreck at Checkers - Lagrange Daily News - lagrangenews.com

The good...no one hurt

The bad...Big Bufords just went on sale 2 for $5

Strange

Looking out my window a few minutes ago I seen something.

Was it a flock of white/silvery birds flying in formation or...

The strange thing was they disappeared,just vanished,poof very quickly.

Watcha talking bout Willis

I should have known.

Past few days here at the old folks home I've had some interesting conversations.

I guess you could call them interesting,different for sure but mostly just confusing.A few of the residents have  engaged me in conversations and it's like they are speaking some unknown foreign long forgotten language.

I could not make heads or tails out of what they were saying.They could have been speaking French or something but I just could not understand them.

I was so glad,after agreeing with what ever it was they were talking about they finished up and moved along.

Another resident rolls up and starts their story just like I'm suppose to know what they are talking about.It seems I'm missing something and when I ask what they are talking about it's like they don't hear me and continue with their story.

Silly me.

I totally missed it.

Now I know why the confusion.

Last night was the Beaver/Frosty full moon.

Word scares me

That word scares me.

The C word.

Cancer.

In my Daddy's family just about all of them died of it.It has even started in my generation with several cousins having it now or have died from it.

Every little ache or pain I get I think of Daddy.Lung an bone cancer killed him.I remember the pain he had.

It was hard watching him in pain and wasting away.Daddy had always been big and strong.

In his family Grandpa,Daddy,Aunt Gladys,Aunt Ruby,Aunt Myrtle and Aunt Eula all died with one type or another cancer.

Yes that word strikes fear in me.

He hates dogs

All the dogs on Juniper Street knew when Joe(I won't use his last name)was close by.

Joe was the dog catcher back then in the late 1950's.

Seems the dogs had their own way of saying Joe was coming.Barking was relayed one by one warning other dogs of impeding danger.

I seen Joe take out his rifle and blindly shoot at a fleeing dog through a neighbors yard once.Where that bullet ended up who knows.

Good news was the dog escaped.

Forward to the 2000's.

A neighbor had a dog with several puppies.They were kept in a pen next to another neighbor's property line.

There is always one in a neighborhood,the one that don't like anybody or anything.

Neighbor called dog catcher and long story short he sided with hate everything neighbor and the dogs,Momma and puppies were removed.

Now this dog catcher who was about 300 pounds looking like a Samurai wrestler puts a choke collar on Momma and leads her to his dog catching truck.

Well Momma I guess doesn't want to go and is a bit uncontrolable and 300 pound takes out his baton and is in motion to wack Momma dog.

The scene brings back memories of Joe and his rifle.

So I'm thinking putting 1 plus 1 togather and have come to the conclusion that to be a dog catcher one has to be a dog hater.

Jesus was a Republican?

I just don't understand.

Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was a Republican?

The way people are talking this morning  he was.

First off let me say I'm not a Democrat or Republican if I'm anything call me an Independent.

What I don't like about party politics is just that they are for the party they belong with and the American people are far down the list of who they work for.

Being honest both parties have done good both have done bad.

I have faith in the American people but none in the political system.

Never on Saturday

Think I'm turning into a ...

Just about all my life I  have been one almost.

Lately it has been showing up more and more in my life and the way I think.

Yes Dear ones put down that Big Mac,slide that T bone off to the side of your plate,take that chicken and give it a good fling,I sure don't want you to choke when I break the news to you.

I'm not 100% yet but just about ready to turn that corner.Coming out of the closet you could say.

Friends are you sitting down?

Here goes hold on.

I'm a uh one of those you know please don't judge me okay out loud and proud here goes...

VEGETARIANS!!!

There I've said it and now I'm free  from living that double life.

No more whoppers for me,not even one of those small square Krystal burgers who I have been having a love affair with since the age of 10.

From now on the only food that touches my lips will be cauliflower and steamed carrots.

Except on Saturdays at lunch when hot dogs are served here at the old folks home.

MSNBC FOX CNN

What's wrong with me
I watch MSNBC on TV
That morning joe
He is in the know

You can keep Fox
The anchor Ladies are pretty
O'Riley and Smith
For brains they have rocks

Now CNN
I watch it from now and then
The mouth of the south Ted Turner
I think we are kin

I so miss Walter Cronkite
Him I believed
And that's the way it is
He would say each night

Rudeness in the 1st degree

Rudeness in the 1st degree
Talking about you Wille T
Swiping the remote like a dog grabbing a bone
Acting like you were home

Others watching a football game
You changed the channel to something lame
Women's basketball
Talking about having gall

Playing that radio loud all night
That's another thing that's not right
Even with my headphones on
Still it doesn't drown it out

So be considerate be nice
Before you flick them channels think twice
I know you have short attention span
Come on now act like a man

Messing with God's doings

Stop messing with God's doings.

Man in his high opinion of himself always messes things up.

Take this time changing thing.Daylight savings time regular time all that other time stuff.

I think we are now on what I always called sun time.The way God planned it and if that's the way He wanted it leave it alone.

So we fell back in time this morning.Come spring it will spring ahead.It confuses me and this morn up at my regular time which would be 7 am yesterday it was now 6 am and that meant 2 more hours till breakfast.

Confused and my stomach growling I sure wish the powers that be just stop messing with God's plan of things.

Time waits for no one

A new month.

November has come in hard here in Georgia.Right now the temperature is 44 degrees with cloudy skies and wind gust up to 32 mph.

Thanksgiving will be here soon,my favorite holiday.

Time waits for no one 2015 is just about here.

The temptation was great

I did it.

Temptation arose but I fought it off last night.

Before your mind starts running wild let me explain.

Here at the old folks home last night we passed out candy to trick o treaters. I had the pleasure of passing out the sweet delights to the most well mannered children.One little guy really touched my heart with his politeness by thanking me with a hug.

Me holding that bag of candy was like tempting an alcoholic with a bottle of spirits but not one piece of that candy did I  let enter my mouth.

Maybe a piece of bubble yubble gum I did take maybe 2 pieces okay then it was 3.

But no candy.

Doing it the old fashioned way

Doing it the old fashion way.

A blast from the past.

Before days of high tech gizmos like PC's,tablets,cable and satellite TV days before round the clock news,movie and music there was a thing called radio.

I just pulled my little dilly of a radio out plugged in headphones and like a trip in a time machine there I was in the golden olden days.

Down on the AM band where I spent so much of my youthful nights being amazed by music all the way from a station in Chicago playing that rock n roll at night.

In between all that static and signals fading I heard Cassius Clay in those boxing matches,baseball games from my favorite team the Atlanta Crackers yes way before the Atlanta Braves came to town.On Sunday when Nascar was to redneck of a sport to show on TV it was always on the radio.

Talk shows were my favorite.At work I would listen to Jim White at KMOX in St Louis,Lester Rolof the preacher asking for money to save the souls of those heathen Indians as he called them telling women they were going to Hell if they cooked out of a can and were I first heard of a man named Jimmy Swaggert.

Since I was a little boy radio fascinated me so much that in 1976 after studying and learning Morse code and all that techno jumbo I took my amateur(ham)radio test at the FCC field office in Atlanta before Angelo Ditty the field engineer and received my ham radio call of WA4PFG which I still hold.

I cant wait till tonight so again with my little radio I  can pull stations from far away places out of the static and fading.

Maybe I can find me an all night talk show to keep me company.

I see a haint

I hear a bugger
I see a haint
I'm so skeered
I'm gonna faint

Ghost and goblins
Running all around
All sorts of scary things
I even seen a zombie rising from the ground

Little scary creatures
Going door to door
Saying trick o treat
Nothing but a night of gore

Help us all
Protect us from evil
It's so scary
I seen a kid dressed as Theodore Cleaver

Don't stop me

Walking out of my boots.

Several times I have woke up and my protective boots would be off.They are soft padded boots that help prevent getting blisters or rubbed spots on my feet.Being a diabetic and having feet problems can lead to bad things.

Several of the residents here have lost toes,feet and one has had both his legs amputated.

How the boots get off who knows.They have Velcro straps and I can't reach them so it's not me unstrapping and taking those boots off.

So this leaves only one answer.

I'm walking out of my boots.Maybe it's sleep walking and I just don't remember it.Maybe it's a mind over body thing.Maybe who knows what it is.

All my life people have seen me at places I ain't been doing things I ain't done.Always I laughed it off as people being mistaken.

Since being here at the old folks home people have seen me walking around the place.Someone even asked if I had a twin brother since they seen me walking out the front door once.

Really I have no idea what is going on.

So if you see me out about and I'm walking don't stop me just let me enjoy it.

Old folks home Halloween

Old folks home Halloween
Screams of help me help me
The scariest thing I've ever seen
Makes me want to flee

The halls echo with terror
Sights I don't want to see
Here comes an ax bearer
Hope he can't see me

Zombies they walk
Blank stare they have
There are many a big flock
Some I shoot others stab

Old folks home Halloween
I just woke up
It was only a dream
I't was just that wine in my cup

Closer to glory

One day closer to glory
Soon we will be going home
This is true not a story
Always this I've known

Jesus died on that cross
His blood washed our sins away
Jesus death was not at lost
Our guarantee of a better day

Grandma had a saying

Grandma Smith had a word for it.

Wife of a Baptist preacher but raised a Methodist,quiet,always sitting in her rocking chair,long dress,sweater on year round and that ever present apron.

She always said kids never bothered her but grown ups did.She had 13 kids,twins boys died at birth but the rest she raised mostly alone because Grandpa died at the age of 40.His name was John who I was named after.Lee Haynes my other Grandpa I was also named after so I'm John Lee.

Best I can remember she had 13 grand kids mostly girls it seemed.One Christmas Grandma bought us grand kids a present.Eagerly I opened the wrapped box.To my surprise it was pink and white hankies.Not exactly thrilling for a little boy.I'm sure if it had been the other way around with grand boys as the majority things would have been different.Cap pistols maybe would have been our gifts.

Every Sunday her kids and grand kids would be at her house for those big Sunday dinners.

She never cut her hair.Always worn in a bun.Once I watched as Grandma combed her hair and to my surprise it touched the floor.She never gave me a wooping but once she did get a curtain rod and threaten me but I knew it was a bluff all because I was playing in the big ditch behind Aunt Lema's but when Uncle Thomas snuck up and said lets go I did.

Well the story is getting long and it could be longer but I'll get to what this story is about.

Grandma had a saying.Being all I said a preachers wife,quiet and mild mannered that one little word,a four letter word she would utter always when mad upset or disagreeing with someone and that word was...

To my Facebook cousins you know that word but everyone else will just have to guess.

Dead or passed

Maybe I'm wrong.

But I think people are just fooling themselves when they say someone has passed away.

Forgive me but they didn't pass they died.

You pass cars,you pass the 1st grade,you pass kidney stones,you pass inspection but when you take that final breath you are the word dead.

I can understand the reasoning for using the word passed instead of died.The word passed seems much more kinder,not as scary and doesn't sound as final as the word dead.

The Bible said the dead in Christ shall rise first from the grave on the return of Jesus not the passed in Christ.

Caveman hairy

Caveman hairy.

I suffer from it.

Just like grass growing through concrete so does my hair.It grows places you don't want or need it.

I'm pretty sure one of my ancestors was a hairy caveman and all that hair might have served a purpose like keeping him warm during the ice age or acting as camouflage while hunting saber tooth tigers for that BBQ planned for the weekend.

I'm just thankful most women didn't get the hairy cavewoman gene.

Somebody would get hurt

Some new activity suggestions for the old folks home.

How about buying everyone motorized wheelchairs and watch us old fogies run wild up and down the halls playing bumper cars.

Nah somebody would get hurt.

How about this dig a big catfish pond outback and give each resident his/her own cane pole and a supply of red wigglers and you could charge guest for fishing and make some spend doodle.

Nah somebody would get hurt.

Well this idea would work for sure.Build a target practice range and give each resident their choice of weapons,pistol,rifle or for the adventours type hunting bows and maybe one day each week say Wednesday could be game day we could play the walking dead.

Nah somebody would get hurt.

Don't tell Gary

Room 31 has a plan.

We the roomies are pretty sure that we will win either the big lottery or the Publishers Clearing House prize.

I can see it now that PCH prize patrol knocking on our door with that big check and a bouquet of roses for Paul.

You may ask what us old cooters are going to with our windfall?

This is our plan and a very good one it is.

First thing on our list is going to the Krystal.Sitting around a table the details of our good fortune will be sorted out.Agreed on so far is buying one of those super duper Greyhound bus size RV's.It will be equipped with everything imaginable thing like a George Jetson push button selectimatic food dispenser with all our favorite food,snacks and liquid refreshments.

Next on our list is the hiring our private duty Nurses and CNA's.Applications are being accepted at this time.Please inquire within at room 31 SW ask for Paul our human resource manger.

Other details will be worked out once on the road.

We the residents of room 31 SW do ask for a special request.

Please don't let Gary from the north wing know anything of our good fortune.He said that if we ever won big time he wants to drive the bus.Have mercy on us and the rest of the travelers out there.

Gary don't need to be driving no bus.

Ever consuming Devil

Everything is good,no problems,hokie  dorie and all but for some reason I wish things were different and I was back at my old home.

Okay,enough of that ever consuming Devil of feeling sad.

Perk up old man you have lots to be happy and thankful for.

Example today is Saturday and that means hot dogs for lunch and I have an onion to chop and dice for them.

Can't complain.

Me and OCD

Once I had a disease
It was called OCD
Little things out of order
Me it didn't please

If my black socks had lint
If my shoes didn't shine
I would get bent
Ready to lose my mind

But I found a cure
Free for me
Having kids in the house
Set me free

Let me tell you about my best friend

My first and best friend.

Standing Rock,Alabama 4 years old living out were no other children lived I wanted a friend.

Every time Uncle Lavert who was a policeman in Roanoke came by I begged for a dog.

Sure enough one day he came by and with him was this small black and white dog my dog.

At first Lassie was scared shy and ran away.Yes I named him Lassie even though he was a male dog,you see I watched that TV series Lassie and it seemed like a fitting name.

After a few days Lassie came home,hungry,thirsty and friendly.

We hit it off quick.Lassie became my 4 legged shadow were I went Lassie went.

My protector.Once we where outside,back then parents just turned kids loose and they played all day outside without the worry of today's crazies,into a ditch covered by a small wooden bridge I fell.

Maybe I was knocked out for a bit laying on the jagged rocks,Daddy drove over the bridge but didn't hear my cries for help.I kid you not Lassie ran home and brought back my parents.

After we moved back to LaGrange living on Juniper Street I'm guessing I was 7 years old,sitting on a porch with other Juniper Street hooligans waiting on the police to come and get one of the kid's Daddy who was drunk two cops came walking up the steep steps parting us kids like Moses did the Red Sea Lassie took offense to it and growled at one of the cops and he reached for his belt with the pistol on it and I screamed you better not shoot my dog!

The cop quickly took his hand off the gun and proceeded to his crime fighting of the day hauling drunks out of houses.

Grandma Haynes would walk across the street and I swear Lassie would stand on his hind legs place his front paws on her arm as if guiding her to safety.

Lassie stayed with me for 6 years.We were living on Big Springs Road and he just didn't come home one day.

Miss you love you Lassie.

If you see fit

Lord you and I know I'm far from being a perfect Christian.

You know my short comings better than I.

But Lord if you see fit help the people here at the old folks home tonight.

Some sure need your help and love.

Lucky Tiger

I like to think that Daddy comes by and checks on me ever so often even though he passed away 22 years ago.

He always used Lucky Tiger hair oil and every so often I get a good whiff of that stuff.

This morning he must have came around cause the smell of Lucky Tiger is in the air.

Halloween

Halloween night
Ghost and ghouls roam the street
A night for monstrous fright
Looking for anything sweet

Even the walking dead
Will be out and about
That night they shall dread
Some will lose their head

Give me candy
Trick or treat
Snickers Reese cups Paydays
Good stuff I will reap

Treat me nice treat me good
Tricks you don't want
In your neighborhood
I will haunt

The light is back

The light is back.

Two days in a row out of the corner of my eye I have seen it.It has been awhile since I've seen it and when I do it means someone is not long for this world.

It use to show up on my bedroom ceiling accompanied by the over powering smell of roses.

A light the size of a $.50 piece just floating around then poof with no warning it was gone.

Half way kidding I asked my TV watching comrade if he had seen that light on the wall and told him the meaning of it.His answer was "have you bumped your head?".

Maybe it is time for a cat scan or MRI of the old noggin but so far the light has never failed me yet.

As I look around wondering who's next who has the light come for is it that one no him oh no it's her maybe just maybe it's....... YOU!

The wanderers

I call them the wanderers.

Those unfortunate souls lost deep into their own little world.

I watched a little Lady today as she passed where I was sitting at least three times,her eyes just a blank stare like the way dead fish eyes look.Each trip by me she huffed and puffed worse tired from her wandering around and around in a circle.

I get skeptical

Where does the money collected go I wonder?

Every time you turn on TV or look at an ad people are asking for money for this disease that disease or some cause.

Does the money make it to the ones it is intended for?

I give you a personal experience of this.

When my Mom was sick with dementia(Alzheimer's can't be determined till after the brain is dissected)so dementia is usually the diagnosis she received no help at all from any of the organizations that say they help.

My Aunt applied for Momma to receive meals on wheels,I didn't care for their help anyway because I did the cooking for her but she did not qualify for some reason or another.

I applied for Momma help from a state agency that was to help elderly people but was told there was a long waiting time for an opening.Ironically the agency called a few days after she had died saying they had an opening.

I will say that home health did come out for a few weeks to help with her bathing and a social worker said the Hospital pharmacy would take care of her medications which at the time the pharmacist at the drug store said Mom had one of the costliest drug bills she knew of.

Thank goodness Mom's retirement pay covered her drug bill and insurance she kept from work after she retired.

So I'm sorry that I get skeptical of these people and organizations who say (they are here to help).

No really I'm not.

The Bad Egg

The Bad Egg.

That's me according to the preachers wife.So bad that her sons were not allowed to sit with me in church.

As in life there are usually two sides to every story.This one is no different.

East Newnan,Georgia is were all this takes place maybe I  was 13 years old at the time.

This is the place I started questioning authority figures at this little Baptist church my family attended.

The preacher had two sons one was my age the other was older and I never had much to do with him.

What most Mother's believe about their sons and what they actually do can be different things.

This story is about a life lesson learned.

My friend the preacher's son and I were playing basketball and making a dunk he hit the rim and ended up with a pretty good gash on his nose.

Don't tell how this happened because my parents won't let me play basketball anymore he pleaded.

Sure fine okay with me what ever he told his parents I would agree to the story.

Days passed and we were at some church function and out of the blue the preacher's wife said I had lied.

Now before being called a liar Momma had asked me how this kid had gotten hurt and I told her the real story because either way it was no skin off my nose so to speak.

Seems his Mom had been talking with mine and the subject of the gash on her son's nose came up.There were two completely different tales about the incident mine and his and the preacher's wife refused to think her son was telling a fib.

So a lesson was learned never take up for someone who you think might hang you out to dry like my friend did me.

So I became know as the Bad Egg at church.

But you know being A Bad Egg with a clear conscious ain't a bad label after all.

Moral of the story...know the whole story before you judge someone!

I got tricked

Trick or treat a kid.

Three years old,the year was 1955,Roanoke,Alabama,Halloween night.

The first Halloween I remember and thrilled and ready for trick or treating I was.

But as in life there was a problem.

Being a little country kid with no other children around my playmates were dogs,cats,cows,chickens,hogs and Ole Grey John Grandpa's plow mule.

I had this recurring problem.Not fond of shoes often I was bare footed.Those unpainted weather worn splintered porches were my enemy.More than once a splinter stuck in my foot and often they would get infected.I had to take those quarter size sulphur pills for my blood something wasn't quite right with it.

More than once off to Roanoke Hospital I was taken to get my foot scraped because of a cut that had become infected.This was the old Roanoke Hospital and I can still remember how it smelled of alcohol and ether.

Okay back to 1955,Halloween,I had my first Halloween costume,Casper the ghost,trick or treat bag ready for candy and as it would be an infected foot.

Off to the Hospital my folks took me.

A deal was made between us,if I would go peacefully trick or treating we would go afterwards.

No such luck.

When that Doctor held up that big huge shiny shot needle all deals were off.

Into one of best I don't want to do this tantrums I went and it took Daddy,the Doctor and a terrified Nurse to hold me down for that shot.

Of course they won I was outnumbered.

Long story short you probably guessed it,no trick or treating for me.

Still after 59 years I remember getting tricked on my first Halloween.

The Steve Urkel syndrome and wedgies

The Steve Urkel Syndrome and wedgies.

Just two of the dangers of living at the old folks home.

When placed into your wheelchair sometimes you need a little help finding that comfy spot.This usually takes two helpful Ladies who grab under your arms and the waist band of your pants and gently they pull you backwards till that comfortable spot is reached that spot where you can sit up straight that spot where you can wiggle around a bit.

That is the G spot the good comfortable spot.

But.

At times when searching for that G spot the good spot this will happen.

You will get a wedgie front and back wedgies no less.

And for those fortunate enough never to have suffered a wedgie let me tell you they are really uncomfortable down right painful if you get the bad configured front wedgie.

You can just use your imagination on that one.

Now there is a side effect of front and back wedgies the dreaded Steve Urkel look you know the waist band of your pants are just below your arm pits.

Yes friends there are many dangers living at the old folks home this is just an example of two of them.

Just call me Professor

Just call me Professor.

From now on I'm going to be a Professor of Southern cuisine and translator of Southern sayings and words for the un informed and less fortunate(Yankees)people.

Let us begin with what would be good for our Sunday dinner(notice I said dinner not lunch there are 3 meals in a day,breakfast,dinner at noon and supper which should be no later than 5 pm).

For our meal if you ain't got the needed fixins copy this list down and get your shoes on and let's go to the Piggly Wiggly.

We need:
1.pound bag of dry big white butter beans(a bigger bag if you're expecting company).
2.bag of Martha White cornbread mix cornmeal.
3.buttermilk for cooking and drinking.
4.10 pound bag of Irish taters.
5.small can of lard will do.
6.small bag of Martha White self rising flour.
7.couple of onions.
8.box of salt.
9.a cold Double Cola cause it gonna get hot in the kitchen when we cooking.
10.last we need a can of cherries.

Now I have found out that really it don't matter if you soak dry beans or just wash em off and pour said beans into a boiling pot of water on top of the stove of course.

When those beans reach a boiling point go ahead turn them down to a medium heat,salt to taste,add left over bacon grease from breakfast and just let'em cook making sure they have water(scorched beans not good)leave em along now they will cook up nice all by them self in an hour or so.

Next for our desert.Take a cup of flour more if a thicker crust is wanted,cup of melted butter,cup of sugar,cup of sweet milk(that's whole milk for you Yankees)take that can of cherries and mix all ingredients well and pour into a greased up good size oven safe bowl and cook for 45 minutes or till brown on top at 375 degrees.This will be if you haven't guess cherry cobbler.

Now as our beans and cobbler cook peel them taters and slice and dice, get your big frying pan out,a black cast iron skillet that you inherited from your Dear departed Grandma always works best,get a couple big spoonfuls of that lard and careful now melt your lard in that skillet till bubbly hot and pour them taters in till they are fried crispy brown and delicious salted to your likin.

We are coming along right nicely with our dinner all that's left to do is fry up some cornbread fritters.Now if that word fritter confuses you really all it is is pancakes made with cornmeal,some call'em Johnny cakes or hoe cakes but really it's just fried cornbread.Take a big bowl and mix in some Martha White cornmeal mix,add your buttermilk,stir till the mixture slides out of the bowl like boiled okra into another black cast iron that was inherited from Granny(ok so you were the first to arrive at Grandma's after she departed this world and swiped all her good stuff)that skillet you grease up with a small amount of lard and sprinkle a little bit of that Martha White flour into the pan so our fritters won't stick,make into pancake size fritters,fry till a golden brown.

Shoot now our dinner should be done all it took was about a hour.

See having a first class Southern dinner wasn't hard at all.

Our butter beans should be soft swimming in a thick bean soup,taters slice diced fried ready to eat,a stack of fritters waiting on us,and that golden brown cheery cobbler for our desert.

If any of that cold Double Cola is left we can share it but if not a cold glass of that buttermilk will work.

Next time let's fix fried cabbage,corn beef hash and more fritters.

Let's eat !

I seen it!

Looking out my window yesterday I seen it.

My heart filled with excitement just like when I was a kid.

A truck pulling a long trailer and on that trailer was fair rides,little kiddie cars.

A sure sign that the fair is in town.

October is fair time in Georgia.Moving from big towns to the smaller ones all around the state.Just like the hummingbirds in spring the fair returns each fall.

Sawdust covered the ground,the hum of motors powering the rides,that wonderful smell of candy apples,corn dogs french fries and hamburgers,cotton candy all the great fun good tasting food.

Rides,shows,wrestle a bear see the dancing Ladies from far away exotic lands.

For a few brief seconds my memory took me back back to being a kid at the fair.

Winds of hate

The winds of hate and ignorance are being fanned by those who live off the suffering of others.

They come as a wolf  dressed in sheep clothing.

Never will they be satisfied till they corrupt your minds with untruths.

This is their job.

Already they try to divide this  Ebola crisis along racial lines.

My life is a soap opera

AS THE WORLD TURNS laying in my bed at GENERAL HOSPITAL I notice it's close to THE EDGE OF NIGHT.

While waiting on the DOCTORS my nurse MARY HARTMAN MARY HARTMAN gave me a shot that made me feel YOUNG AND RESTLESS again.

All I could see was DARK SHADOWS on the hospital room wall.Please come quick BEN CASEY I feel like the DAYS OF MY LIFE are slipping away.

Oh how I wish I was in FERNWOOD TONIGHT with ALL MY CHILDREN.

If something isn't done quick I know I'm not long for ANOTHER WORLD.Already I see a GUIDING LIGHT.

I must be dreaming because all the nurses seem so BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL maybe I will awake soon and be in PEYTON PLACE.

Yes it all was just a dream,it never happened just like when Bobby never died on DALLAS.

A little pleasure

To the powers that be or those who really care or someone who will just listen.

I have a beef,complaint,gripe or whatever you want to call it.

There are two things that give me pleasure here at the nursing home.

Hot showers every other day and food.

Food that I  like and enjoy food like what I would cook if possible.

I'm sick and tired of beef tips on pasta,beef tips on rice with squishy mushrooms that make me gag,steamed carrots hid in my food,broccoli,cauliflower and that stuff called grilled zucchini,chicken legs baked,chicken breast baked,pork of some type every day,frozen vegtables from a bag and canned green beans.

Cook me some dry beans,butter beans,pintos,some peas,cook them on the top of the stove,slow and low till the bean soup is thick and good.Fry up some sliced diced taters and some cornbread fritters and have a big sweet onion on the side.

Food not artificial meat like chicken bacon and sausage.

Keep it real keep it good and add a little pleasure to an old man's life.

Walking Dead analyzed

Have you noticed that women love that TV series Walking Dead were all it's about is shooting or using ice picks on those pesky undead zombies?

Never have I heard any man talk about the show or get excited when it comes on.Women even post on Facebook a count down to show time.

So I'm trying to analyze this and have come to this conclusion.

My fellow brethren,unwatchers of the Walking Dead,I think women are using this show to work out their aggression and anger toward husbands,boyfriends,that little red headed boy who broke their heart in the 1st grade or us the male population in general.

That is the only reasonable answer I can think of.

I think we men should be skeered very skeered!

Not in my box

Just sitting around the big fireplace talking about the subject of us residents being put out on the streets due to government shutdowns,WW3,things beyond our control,invasion by those bad boy reptilian aliens so on and so on was the topic the other day.

Gary J my friend and fellow resident here at the OFH have a plan.

Like all good former Boy Scouts of the past we are prepared.

I have found a clean large pasteboard box suitable for human habitation and have it folded neatly flat and stored under my bed.

When and if that days comes Gary J in his power chair will lead the way pulling me in my wheelchair and off to find a suitable place to live we will go.

We have decided that living under an railroad bridge would be the most suitable place we could call our humble abode.Being a lot them close by is also a plus because Gary J is not the best power chair driver having a tendency to run over and into things not meant to be.So a railroad bridge close by would be ideal.

But like all things in life there are problems with this idea of living under an railroad bridge.

Gary J has said he will live in my pasteboard box with me because he is afraid of snakes,bugs and the fact he gets cold easy.

Sorry Gary J but that is just not going to happen my friend.

Not in my box.

Politicking time

It's politicking time in Georgia.

Maybe the politicians know something we don't.

In their TV ads they proclaim their opponents are crooks,thieves,hooligans everything but the person who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby and shot your dog.

Maybe we should take them serious.

The dream

I was sleeping so good today,that drugged out deep sleep,rejuvenating type when someone spoke my name and in a jerk woke me up.

Dreaming about Daddy,seeing,talking with him once more.

It was peaceful and wish I could go back.

August 2003,Momma had died a few days earlier on July 23.I was tired,dead tired after years of sleepless nights.

Anyone who has been a caretaker for someone with dementia knows what I'm taking about.

I was Momma's promising to keep her home and I did.For seven years I watched her waste away.To her I wasn't her son,not John just that man as she called me.

Back to that August day.In my cool bedroom I layed down just for a short nap.

Dreaming about Momma and Daddy,trying to find their graves but no where could they be found.

Running through the graveyard searching almost at a panic.

I came upon an old rundown house and why I don't know inside I went.Dimly lit,I seen several men in suits motioning to me silently,smiling.

Slowly walking towards them what I seen terrified me.

One or two coffins I can't remember were in the dimly lit room.

Slowly they opened the top of one of the coffins,I knew what was inside,I didn't want to see.

In a panic I started running till I woke up.

On that hot outside August day I was freezing,shaking uncontrollably.

I had to walk out of the house and stand in warming sun till I stopped shaking.

Seasons change so did I

Vietnam 68
My Lai
My God
Much hate

LA 65
Watts burned
Black white
Nothing learned

Dallas 63
Camelot died
Innocence lost
We cried

Canaveral 69
US pride
Space men
Long ride

NY 64
Beatles came
Things changed
New game

Memphis 68
Mlk dies
Hope lost
He tried

LA 68
RFK dies
Another reason
We cried

Woodstock 69
End decade
We survived
All fine

Elf

Such a plight
Oreo fairy gone
No cookie flights
Fairy gone home

Not to fear
I have plan
Keebler cookie  elf
He the man

Daily passes by

His big truck
Loaded chocolate chips
He said hi

Friends I believe
Me and elf
Chocolate chip cookies
He did leave

Devilish thing

The TV remote
That devilish thing
Cause of discontent
I have seen

Grown men fight
Who controls it
This goes on
Till late night

Winner takes all
Master of it
Remote is prize
Really it’s bull@#*!

Gary J

Well now a slice of pizza courtesy of Gary
I tell you now I tell you true
That was about as rare
As getting chocolate chip cookies from the Oreo fairy

So Gary J
Thank you man
From your friends family fans
Hope you have a great birthday

A true haunting

2011 I was living in another state after leaving my home of 30 plus years.

The house moved to was right out of another century.Those tall 12 foot ceilings with lights that you could pull down from the ceiling,those tall old fashioned type windows,a long hall with bare wood floors seperated the rooms of the house.Each room had a fireplace.

I had heard a rumor that no one stayed at the house for very long.Story told was that a certain room in the house had a wall were writings would appear and if cleaned off they would reappear.I never witnessed that.

But other strange things I did hear never seen but heard.

Before moving in that house,before I even had the chance to enter the house I went nearly blind,my eyes would not focus,the awful feeling of nausea came over me,the closer we got to the house the sicker I got.I never made it inside,an ambulance was called and that first night I spent it in the hospital.

Maybe that was a warning of things to come.

Every afternoon right after supper it a room that was most likely a dinning room at one time you could smell what I thought was pipe smoke.Same time each afternoon it happened as if someone had finished their supper and relaxed by lighting up a pipe.

One night laying in bed still awake I heard what sounded like someone praying.Listening closer it wasn't praying heard but chanting like Indians would do and it sounded like several people doing it.

During daylight alone in the house I heard the back door open and the sound of a woman walking down the wooden floor of the hall wearing high heel shoes calling the name of someone named Clair.She passed right by the open door of the room I was in but never did I see her.

Once on a quiet day from the kitchen was heard a radio playing and people excitingly talking.It was an old broadcast of a baseball game from years ago.Again no one was seen.

The most frightening thing for me of all the strange things that went on in that house was one night again laying in bed awake I heard a woman crying softly it was a cry of mourning like a Mother would cry over her child if something had happened.

One night I heard my Momma who had passed on years before call my name once almost like she was warning me of something that was to happen.One time my name John was spoken and I'm 100% it was Momma's voice.

I don't think there is such a thing as ghost.But I do think that a house can soak up emotions of the residents who have lived there.Almost like a house is alive in a certain way.

Everything in this story is true and I have no explanation for any of it.

Here smoke this

I don't know to many people that like okra.

That boiled slimy green stuff that Momma always cooked in peas and I always dipped out.Now battered and fried okra is a different story.That I like and can eat like popcorn.But fry and batter anything I will most likely eat.

Now to what this story is about.

In Cartersville,Georgia a man was woke up by a low hovering Georgia State Patrol helicopter over his house and at the same time the police strapped down as he called it and a k 9 dog were knocking at his front door.

Seems the police were hunting pot plants.

Yes you guess it,the police mistaken his okra plants for pot plants.

More power to the cops,as a kid I spent many a hot August afternoon cutting okra off those vines,sweat rolling down my face stinging from touching that devil vegatable.

All I want to know is where the cops were when Momma said eat your peas and that green slimy okra when I was a kid.

Come to think of it maybe smoking okra is a better idea than dipping it out of your peas.

Privileged juveniles

What a waste.

American Chopper was at one time a favorite TV show of mine.

The motorcycles they built were great but the main reason I enjoyed the show was the family interaction between Paul Sr. and Jr. and Mikey.

What turned me off was the childish behavior.

Who in their right mind destroys things that the rest of us would dearly like to have or some person really needs.

Things like driving a perfectly good truck into a pond,punching holes in office walls,destroying what others could use.

Watching a bunch of privileged juveniles acting silly is what the show turned into.

Return

My faith in the fairy is restored
Oreo's upon my table they bestowed
Sometime during the night
The fairy made a flight

They are delicious they are sweet
Only two at a time I will eat
No use my sugar to check
I'm sure it's high as heck

I wonder

Oh how I wonder
Have I been bad
Maybe I made a blunder
I think the Oreo fairy is mad

No sweet delights
On my table been seen
I have been cookieless for many a night
Please Oreo fairy don't be mean

Piercings and tattoos

My Lord had piercings
A crown of thorns on his head a sword pierced his side
My Lord had tattoos
A whip ripped his hide

Sometimes

Songs by Adele make me cry
Living in the past makes me blue
Sometimes I want to die
When thinking of you

Flutter

Ain't it neat
And oh so sweet
The cookie fairy brought Nutter Butter
Fairy you make my heart flutter

Krystal craving

Craving a Krystal
Having an attack
Right now
I could eat a sack

Small square bun
Mustard pickle onion
Steaming hot off the grill
This is the real deal

Add some fries
Bowl of chili on the side
Throw in a couple corn pups
Big diet Dr Pepper in my cup

My hope

My hope I don't get up for anything
Cause I know peoples promises are deranged
Talk is cheap talk is easy
People some do it just to tease

Why do I  think it will happen
When I  know their gums are just flapping
Better I  should know
Most of what people say is just for show

Bewildered

My eyes groggy with sleep
I slept well no counting of sheep
Awaken by the morning sun
What I seen was a sign of fun

On my table they had been left
Mini Oreos from a fairy not some elf
Seems I have been bewildered again
By the Oreo fairy my old friend

Asked for it

ISIS the USA has started air raids on you and yours.

The bombs and missiles have been dipped in pig blood and your 7 whores await you in Hell!

You asked for it.

Count down

Fall will officially start in 12 minutes.

Here in my comfortable bed I'm reflecting on today's events.

Before sunrise thunder,lighting,rain and howling winds woke me up.My widow open the cool air felt good on my face.

Effortlessly sleep found me again and off I drifted into peaceful deep sleep.I woke up just in time for breakfast at 8 am.My appetite has dwindled since having that cold/virus or whatever it was a few weeks ago.

Counting down 3 minutes till fall starts.

Grits and a fried egg I ate saving a biscuit and bacon for later.

10:30 pm now it's officially fall in Georgia.

I dozed off and on till lunch.It was a bust consisting of a pork chop,rice and steamed carrots.The rice I ate.

Up and about around 3 pm out to the TV where sheesh yes you guessed it Walker Texas Ranger  was on.Same ole same ole.

Looking at the menu an order for 2 grilled sandwiches and tomato soup was made but supper comes around and no luck on my plate was chicken pot pie and grilled zucini.

Now get this.If the rumor is true this chicken pot pie was questioned by state investigators a year or so ago saying it had to be changed from the dry crusted vegetables just spooned out onto your plate.It was changed into a recognizable version of chicken pot pie till it's ugly face reappeared today at supper.

Maybe this food is why I have no appetite.It's not the type of food I like or grew up on.

Oh how I crave real food.

Butter beans cooked on the stove,sliced fried potatoes and some real cornbread.

Change

Change in the air

Leaves  turning brown

I see yellow butterflies

Floating all around

Cool breeze on my face

A nip in the air

A change is here

A relaxed slower pace

Fall is here
Shorter days longer nights
Smell of burning leaves
The season that is just right

What is the use

Sometimes I fail to see the use.

The use of getting up out of this bed everyday.Each day like the one before and tomorrow will be the same.

The only thing separating each day from the next is whats on the food menu.I don't go by the days of the week anymore a calendar is not needed instead I start each day by checking the food menu.

Why get up out of my comfortable bed in my comfortable room out of my comfortable environment just to sit in a wheelchair in front of a TV watching the same boring thing over and over each day.

Messing with my mind

Oreo fairy
Tell me true
Rumor is you're the Kebbler elf
Really now is that you

Did opportunity arise
Like cookie dough
Haven't seen you in awhile
Is this how you're letting me know

Messing with my mind
I'm going to flip
My world turned around
I guess now you will bring cookies of chocolate chip

Better be

Yesterday was National or International Pirates Day.

As my Uncle Eugene used to say any man who wears ear rings and has a pony tail better be a pirate.

Never have I

I think I'm just about as Southern as one can be in my ways and customs.

But never have I  had sweet iced tea at breakfast like in the McDonald's ad now playing.

Another thing,never have I used a straw to sip sweet iced tea.

Just an American

Just an American.

That is what I am.

Not an Irish American,Scottish American,African American,Native American,Italian American.

Just an American.

Welcome to Georgia

Peach County,Georgia.

True story.

Woman gets ticket for impeding the flow of traffic by driving to slow.

Speed was 68 in a 70 zone.

To be fair she was in the fast left lane and there where several cars behind her.

3 points on her drivers license and $100 fine.

Visted

Who could it be
The fairy who brings Oreo's for free
When I'm in deep slumber
Sure makes me wonder

It's no fable
More where left on my table
Yes I've been visited again
By my Oreo fairy friend

Things blew up

I dared not to turn around.

Some bossy ole Lady said hand me the TV remote,never mind what anyone else was watching please thank you may I.

I pointed to the remote and said get it.She replied"I'm in a wheelchair hand it to me"duh 99% of the people here are in wheelchairs.

Just another start to another beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Things blew up after supper with people losing what sanity they have left with their childish doings fussing and growling.

Help me help me someone down the hall is hollering,personal alarms going off when they try getting out of their wheelchairs,my new roomie is walking around without his pants,least he is not wearing them backwards like earlier.

I just go with the flo mind my own business and pray I survive without to much ill effect!

Cool things

Cool things seen from my window lately.

Woman dressed in pink,pink helmet riding a pink Harley.

Tractor trailer pulling long trailer with 2 old Jaguar cars.One a red covertable with white top the other solid black.

Flocks of birds some flying north others south maybe someone confused.

The big show

This reminds me of residents fighting over who gets the TV remote.

It's more interesting than watching TV.

What goes around...

Snitch,tattle tale,rat fink...Karma is sweet!

Photo proof

Thanks to night Nurse Paula AKA The Roadrunner we now have a composite photo of the ever eluding Oreo fairy as she/he was fleeing room 31.

Red dot

The red dot.

The red dot on some of the resident's here ID bracelets.

I think it means DNR.Do not resuscitate.

Who makes this decision I wonder.Most likely the resident or family members.

My Daddy made that decision for himself.Thank you Daddy for making it cause I sure didn't want to.

But with Momma I did have to make that God awful decision.Yes I have wondered if I made the right one and forgive me Momma if I didn't.

I haven't made that decision for myself yet.

Red dot or not that is the question.

Kayne West

Rise from that wheelchair
Kayne West has commanded
If I tried I think
The floor I would have landed

Has happened again

I have this theory.

Laugh if you may but it's good as any explanation I've heard.

The Oreo cookie fairly I think is in cahoots with Ufo's,Unicorns,Bigfoot and all those other things everyone knows is real but just don't have good physical evidence to back up their claim.

Just like we all know Jimmy Hoffa is buried at Yankee Stadium 10 foot down in a 55 gallon can.He's there but we just can't find him.

Everyone has seen flying saucers yeah even you but your just to chicken to admit it.

Ghost and hauntings,Now I know for a fact I'm not normal(thank goodness)but never ever have I had the pleasure of meeting one.Least I don't remember.

The Mafia,doesn't exists but it's there.

So back to what all this is about.

The Oreo cookie fairy payed another late night visit.Left was a 4 pack of cookies.Surely the fairy sprinkles me with pixie dust so I blank out or they are sneaky and wait till I start snoring loudly before making an entrance.

It's magic.

Old folks

You kids today
Don't be bold
Careful what say
About us old

Because our teeth
We takeout at night
In a mayo jar we do keep
And pray our Depends not to tight

Once we wiggled
When we walked
Now we wobble so don't you giggle
And please speak louder when you talk

And explain this
At Christmas we get
Combs and toothbrushes
Hair and teeth we do miss

Velcro is an old persons friend
Saves us trouble lots
We can't stoop and bend
What you say your name is I forgot


You will grow old
Chances are you will
You have been told
Save enough money to pay the nursing home bill

Only young once
But old forever
Don't be a dunce
You be clever

Surprise

This morning my spirit arised
Never did it plument
Ms Amber brought a surprise
Egg cheese ham omlet

Catch a fairy

How to catch the Oreo fairy
First I need a fairy net
They are so fast and merry
This will be no easy task I bet

I will hide and be very quiet
The fairy won't see me at all
I will do this at night
I will be like a fly on the wall

I'm thinking this out
Yes this might work
Hope the fairy don't fuss and pout
Yeah I know I'm a dork

Failure to communicate

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

That's what the warden in Cool Hand Luke told the prisoners.

I've faced that predicament myself a few times.Can't be understood.Am I speaking a foreign tongue?When I get excited I do tend to stutter or get tongue tied.That could explain alot.

If I'm not careful slipping into my natural dialect is real easy.That would be Southern backwoods never seen the sun shine redneck watch this a redneck's last words language.

Honestly most folks can understand me ok.Sometimes those people"God Help'em and show them the evil of their ways"of Yankee persuasion have no idea what in the world I'm trying to say.

I just get this blank stare with the word huh emerging from their vocal cords.Trying to converse with the younger generation is another challenge.Anyone younger than 40 years old don't even know what time of the day to eat.

To these children"God Help'em"trying to explain what supper is could be a losing battle.It's breakfast,dinner and supper not breakfast,lunch and dinner.Poor things get so confused at times they don't even know if it's breakfast or lunch so they made up this word called brunch.

I know,I'm blessed,being brought up speaking proper English.

So with all that said think I'll sit in my cheer by the winder or lay my head on a piller cause all this typing has made my fanger ache.

Only one you wrote

Oreo cookie fairy
Where did you go
Are you mad
Is that the reason for a no show

Those visits at night
While I'm in deep slumber
Beautiful dreams were mine
Of those sweet tasty delights

So please come once again
With those wonderful treats
While I'm in blissful sleep
Just leave them on my table or on the sheets

Got your note
With the last batch
Over and over it was read
There is only one Oreo fairy you wrote

Harvest moon

Harvest full moon tonight
Bound to be beautiful sight
Most likely will cause fright
So big so bright

The cure

Things not looking good in the world.

First on my mind this morning is those dog coward hideous ISIS and their brutal beheading of American journalist.In my opinion they are the scum of the Earth and may a just as equal brutal death come to them.

Now for St Louis.This black/white hate has risen it's ugly racist head again.I think this Country will never be free.

Locally 12 year old is suspected of armed robbery.Was this kid raised by jackals out in the wilderness or did he really have parents?Obviously not caring parents.

We still have hope but I  think it will be the second coming of my Lord Jesus Christ that will be the cure.

Something is coming

I feel it in the air something is coming.

Yesterday it was noticed,a feeling of static electricity,the hair on my arms bristled up,that feeling something big was about to explode amongst us.

From my watch point I could see restlessness in residents.That blank stare and shuffling of their feet as they wander endlessly.

A feeling of sadness draped over me as I watched a Lady with her walker pulling her suit case behind as she hunted for an exit saying she wanted to go home.

Lord Jesus just take me on before I get in that shape.

Into the valley of the shadow of death I rolled

I feared no evil as I rolled into a room full of Georgia/Alabama football fans yesterday.

Outnumbered, proudly I wore my Auburn Tiger blue and orange T shirt.

I was feed generously with dip and chips and Sprite cola.

Like ole Wild Bill Hickok I chose a table with my back against the wall close to an exit just in case things got out of control when Auburn did their thang.

They even tried to be convert me to an Alabama football fan giving me an Alabama writing tablet.

A good time was had and in closing I leave you with these words...

WAR EAGLES !!!!

The Po side of the building

Here at the OFH a long hall and locking doors separate the North side and the South side of the building.

Those locking swinging doors are like the Mason/Dixion Line.

The South side where I humbly reside is affectionately called the Po side,the Dirty South or as I call it the Projects.

We Be Po is our motto and it's written with a Sharpie pen on a used piece of cardboard and hangs at the entrance of the south side.

Maybe you could call it a you have been warned enter at own risk sign.

Just because it tends to get a little rowdy over here at times there is no reason to shun us.We be just like the North side folks ...well that's not exactly true.

One day I took a trip over to the rich North side just to see if the things my friend Gary J. had told me were true.He told me over there on the snack cart they got chocolate milk,V8 vegetable juice,yogurt and other things we Po side folks never even thought of.

Oh how quiet it was over there on the North side of the building.Little ole ladies sitting around a table discussing politics or reading poems aloud to each other or something I don't know.Being the friendly talky type I said hello Ladies nice day we're having.

Well I know at times I  can look unkempt and maybe a little scary but I always wear my Old Spice high endurance deodorant so I  won't offend but those little ole Ladies stared and hissed and whispered to each other saying he one of "THEM".

Even my good friend Gary J.shunned me and quickly ducked into his room pretending I was unknown to him as I frantically raised my good arm waving in a gesture of friendliness calling his name loudly.

Yes Dear ones I JohnLee learned a valuable lesson that day.

Stay with people who understand you and think as you do and never try to hob nob with them rich North side folks again.

Over here in the projects is were I  belong,were little ole gray headed Ladies cruise around in their chrome and black chariots looking for another victim to throw ice cold water on,someone to fight and fuss with,were there is a constant roar of rowdiness and it don't even have to be a full moon.

Home is were the heart is I have heard.

For me that is the Po side,the Dirty South,the Projects.